One Hour To Live

I went to Mystic Xenia to see if she could see my future. She just looked at her crystal ball and shook her head, not saying a word. I kept asking what was wrong. Was that thing out of batteries or going on the blink? A tear formed in her eye as she looked off in the distance and just spoke very low. So low I couldn't understand what she was saying, so I kept asking her what she said. She finally got tired of me asking her that, so she yelled out at me that I was going to die in one hour.

An hour! What should I do? Only one hour to live! Maybe, I thought, I should run down to Ugly Grace's and get drunk. But an hour isn't long enough. I'd just begin to feel it when I'd have to stop and go to hell where all the alcohol would be evaporated and I'd have an eternal hangover.

Then I thought I should go out and have some good sex. But an hour wouldn't even be long enough to get through the dinner with all the ruminating and masticating that I like to do. Well, isn't dinner part of foreplay?

Maybe I should do like those old men who invest their money in stocks and such so they will be rich when they die. But an hour isn't long enough to get rich. And what good is all that money after I am dead? Oh, well.

Maybe I should write a novel real quick so I can be remembered post-humorously. Shit! I don't think that is the right word. Sort of like if I paint a cool picture and put strange symbols in it that will make people stare at it and try to figure what it means for hundreds of years after I'm gone, like the Di Vinci code thing.

Or maybe I should write a last post and tell each of my friends how they should change to have a better life. But what do I know? They could just use my life as an example of what 'not' to do.

I was so confused and flustered that I didn't know what to do! Then I looked out the window and saw Mystic Xenia, Sigmund Fraud, Rev. Reptile and Pansi and others all laughing their butts off at me. I asked them what was so funny and they said they were just playing a prank on me to teach me a lesson about life and conduct an experiment to see what I would do if I thought I was going to die.