Good-Bye

Saying Good-bye

They had a nice little service for me as I leave the world of blogging. Here we see Johnny Carson, Rev. Jimmy Reptile, the Dhole, Ambrose Bierce, Dorothy and Rodney Dangerfield. Even Tom Thumb showed a little interest. It is sad to go, but I guess everything must end.

Seeing My Own Funeral

Now they are carrying me into a church for a funeral service. I wonder if they will say anything nice about me before I am gone forever.

Death Do Us Part

They painted some really thick make-up on my arms and legs and body to cover the burns, then put me in a coffin. That was a shock! How could they do that to me? Am I dead? Is this how it all ends? Or are they just playing a joke on me? It can't just end like this. It just can't.

In The Hospital

There's nothing that burns my ass like flames from a fire. I should have know better than to play around with candles. And it really is wrong to put curses on people. Hatred and spite come back on you! Wonder how Enditall gets around it. Maybe evil people have a tougher hide.

The next thing I knew after being on fire was being in the hospital. What a place. They just stuck me under a bed. And guess who was in the bed that I was under -- Enditall the witch! Maybe my spell did work, a little. But she was laughing and joking with Nervous Norvis. So my curse hurt me a lot worse than it did her. Ain't that the way it always goes? Some people can get away with anything while others are always getting burned!

Then they came and released Enditall and she and Nervous Norvis left. They picked me up and I thought they were going to put me in the bed, but was I in for a shock!

Fire Down Below!

I got too close to that candle and the flame jumped onto me! I guess a curse can backfire on you. It sure has come back on me. Ouch! This hurts.

Better To Light One Candle And Curse Enditall!

I lit my candle and began putting the curse on Enditall the witch just as the wicked whispering fairy told me to do. This revenge curse thing really scares me because I am afraid it might backfire on me.

The Wicked Fairy

I went home to take a nap with the white dog, Icy, and Gregor Samsa, the roach man. But something really strange happened while I was asleep. I kept hearing the wicked fairy whispering in my ear. She was telling me that I had the right to take revenge against Enditall the witch for turning my head into a sheep head. The fairy said I could cast a spell back on her to get even. Revenge is best served cold, whatever that means.

The wicked fairy told me a spell to cast on Enditall, but I don't know if I should do it or not. I mean, that kind of revenge wouldn't get my head back. And it would make me stoop to her level. I'll have to think about this. But I have such a hard time making a decision like if I should do it or not.

Fine Dinner In The Sewer

I joined the search party for the boys that fell in the well. It was really nice because they had a great dinner for us. In this photo, Rev. Jimmy Reptile says grace, flanked by Sexxi Sadi (nun outfit) and Dr. Schits. In the back are Alfred Packard with Brittney the Hampster, Rotten Ralph, Alvin Chipmunkk, Lyanne Sakks, and Gary the Ghoul. In the corner is Nervous Norvis. I am sitting by the good doctor.

Riot At Ugly Grace's

I went to Ugly Grace's and met the Cheesemeister there. We were just talking about the Death Cheese Band without Axe Man when some guy or girl or robot, or something, got up and made a speech. The crowd hecked the person, who was some sort of spokesman for the Ataraxia Foundation. The speech caused a riot.

Here is a recording of the speech.

Going Down!

Well, well, four guys fell in a well. We are just wishing them well! Click HERE for the story.

Clockwise, top is Spooky Guy, Quorthon, Messiah Marcolin, and Axe Man.

Met Another Guy

After having my hair fixed, it made me, well, horny. And not like a goat or anything. I was just wanting a man. Then I met a guy who asked me out. Since I didn't have anything else to do, I took him up on it and we had a nice time, then went to his apartment.

These guys! It seems like there is always something a little strange about every guy I go out with. This was a little short fellow and it looked like he was running around in his pajamas all the time. But then I thought he might be like that guy who made Playboy Magazine who also runs around in his PJ's.

But what shook me up was when he said his name was Kim. That sounded like a girl's name to me. It had me worried about him for a while. But later in the night he made the earth shake.

The Beauty Shop

When I get upset, I like to go to the hair salon. That relaxes me a lot. And they had a new hairdresser at the Netherworld Beauty Shop. He used to be a Senator or something like that.

That Salon is something else! You get more gossip there than from the Crappy Times, Asinine News and Hobbesyville Times all rolled into one! And they got several interesting beauticians there. I think that is where the Cheesemeister goes. She will have to tell us about it! I hope so.

Job At The Happy Wiener

So I went to the Happy Wiener to apply for a job there as one of their dancers, but it was a male dancer place, so I had to dress like a guy. I had on a sloppy sweat shirt and denim jeans. They couldn't tell I was a girl and I got the job! I was so thrilled!

Then they sent me out to dance with the Iranian Nukie. But he said I had to take my clothes off while on stage. I've never done that before! I was as nervous as Nervous Norvis! And what is worse, as I took my sweat shirt off, they began to boo me. What's with those guys? I started pulling my pants down and they screamed, "Put them back on! Put them back on!"

That was humiliating. It hurt my feelings. I don't look that bad without my clothes! Not so bad that they should boo me off stage like that. I ran from the place and was crying. And I had to pee. But I just ran off into the darkness sobbing and boo-hooing while they were still booing.

Crappy Times News

I went over to The Crappy Times News as I decided to continue my job hunting. But I found the place in shambles and Lyanne Sakks on the floor passed out! That was a scarey sight! I just turned and ran back out.

Wake Up Call

I had a soft landing from the fall. As a matter of fact I began to doubt if it was actually a fall at all. I found myself on a bed! Had I just awakened from a dream? But I still had my lamb head. And someone was in the bed beside me.

It was Pansi! Oh dear! Had I spent the night with Pansi? We were both naked when I woke. What had we done in the bed naked? Oh, I just hope that Weirsdo doesn't hear about this! Will she ever be so pissed to find this out. So don't tell her about me and Pansi.

And it would be best to just keep this a secret between you and me because Pansi is having enough problems with her personal life as well as her career. And her rear. She is so proud of that decoration that she won't even wipe after, well, you know what. And she is beginning to smell pretty bad down there.

I just couldn't lay there beside her any longer because of the nauseating odor, so I quickly slipped on some clothes and got out of there before she woke up. And before Weirsdo found out!

A Bug Guy Bugged Me

Then that cockroach came over to me. I hate roaches and bugs like that, but there was something unusual about that one. It seemed to have a man's head. Ewe! That would be worse than my situation of having a lamb head. I must say, this guy gave me the creeps.

He couldn't talk, like out loud as we do. But he could talk silently like Mary Jane did, that's the girl who didn't have a mouth. She talked to me with thoughts and that is how this bug guy did. He said his name was Gregor Samsa.

I told him I was Patty Lamb but everyone calls me Lammy.

He was like, "How come you got a lamb head?" and I was like, "The witch Enditall cursed me and changed my head into a sheep head." Then he was like, "I don't think so." And I argued, "Yes she did!" So he was like, "It wasn't witchcraft or magic that turned me into a bug."

Then there was silence. Well, there already was silence because we were having a non-verbal discussion. I mean we were communicating but not out loud with words. You know. That telepathy stuff. But we just didn't say or think anything for a long time. I wondered what was wrong, then I realized he must be waiting for me to say something, or think something. So I was like, "Who did?"

He was like, "It was Franz Kafka." And there was another very long silence or whatever you call it, because I didn't have any idea who this Kafka fellow was. Finally after a long time I again realized he was waiting for me to say or think something to him so I was like, "I don't know the guy."

Gregor was then like, "He was my writer. He wrote my story." I began to feel like when you want to hurry and end a conversation and get the hell out of there because you don't know what the other is jabbering about and it doesn't make sense. But I thought I should be polite since I was falling down a hole and didn't know what was going to happen to me.

I didn't know what to say so I was just like, "Oh, okay." And he was like, "And I think it was that guy named Tom that changed your head into a lamb head." I was suddenly shocked as I felt myself falling faster and faster. I was like, "You mean Tom as in Tom and Icy?"

But then the bug was gone and my falling came to a sudden stop. Something had broken my fall. At least I was no longer falling.

Falling and Thinking

As I was falling down the hole I had the strangest thought and saw a peculiar vision in my mind. It was Wolfie and me together! What a picture that would make. I mean, is there such a thing as a visual or graphic oxymoron? A sheep and wolf together would be one if there could be such a thing.

I guess I thought of that because we put up oxymoron as the technique this week on Retorical Icy. But we're not experts and not very smart about that stuff, so we wonder if there could be a graphic oxymoron. And do written oxymorons have to be just two antonyms next to each other? Couldn't "a wolf in sheep's clothing" be an oxymoron? It conjures up a visual oxymoron, sort of. And could Senator Foley be an oxymoron personified? Or just a plain ole hypocrite?

Can anyone tell me? I'm just a little lost sheep, you know.

It's odd how falling down a hole makes you think of all kinds of silly stuff.

I Hate Making Decisions

It was really dark down there when I sank into my confusion. And things just got worse. Someone came up to me and held out their hands. Each hand had a pill in it. One was red and one was blue. He said if I take the red one, I'd find out how deep the rabbit hole goes. If I take the blue pill I will wake up and not remember what happened.

I don't know if the guy was Dr. Doo-Doo of the Pansi Files, or Dr. Schitz who the Cheesemeister knows in the Netherworld. And then it might have been Josephine S. Blick from the Ataraxia Foundation. I was in a too confused and blurred stupor to tell who it was.

And what made it all the more confusing was having to make a decision. I just find it so hard to make decisions! I hate to have to make a decision! I just kept reaching for one, then the other, then the other and couldn't decide which pill to take.

Well, whoever that guy was, he got pissed and shoved the red pill into my mouth and I swallowed it, then I regurgitated it and masticated it and swallowed it again, but then I upchucked it again and chewed it some more and swallowed it again. Then I did that again. But that is because I am a ruminant and we do that sort of thing.

Then I felt myself falling and falling. I was falling down a hole. I was about to find out how deep the rabbit hole was! Or was it a Dhole hole? Whatever it was, I was falling down it! I fell so far that I felt I would run into Deep Thought Eli down there!

Quagmire

I thought I would go over to the Ataraxia Foundation where I could find order in chaos, love in an emotional void, significance in trivia, purpose in the futile and a goal in this aimless venture. Josephine S. Blick seemed to indicate that there might be a position open for me there.

But as I advanced toward the place, I began to feel myself caught in a quagmire. I don't know if it was my nervousness or lack of understanding of what the place really was and what they were doing there. I began to sink. Maybe it was quicksand I was in. Maybe it was my self-doubts or a social dysfunction.

I struggled to reach toward the empyrean sight just ahead, but soon was overtaken by darkness as my head submerged into abashment. I could faintly hear someone yell: "DZWOW!!!"

Another Job Interview

My next job interview was at a place where they took care of a lot of old people. But the boss wasn't in a very cheerful mood. He complained that he had piles of meme's and questionnaires to read and evaluate so he could get the employees checks out to them. He then told me I had to fill out all kinds of forms and answer a lot of personal questions before he could consider me for a job. All those forms was worse than trying to write a novel! I couldn't even understand half of the words on them!

Job Hunting

I was really nervous when I went for my first job interview. To my surprise, there was a genius boy about eleven who was head of the computer programming company. He was very polite and talked really nice to me, just like a kid would do. Oh, did I say kid? Sorry, I didn't mean the pun, it just slipped out. But the boy wonder didn't make any jokes or puns about my having a lamb's head like I just then accidentally did.

He asked me what kind of computer programming I knew and I said I was really good with Java. Then he smiled and politely said that I wasn't needed because they have their coffee delivered from Starbucks, and besides, he didn't drink coffee. Too young.

I was sure nervous and the fleece on my forehead was soaked with sweat. I didn't get the job, but at least I got a little experience in going for an interview. This job hunting is really nerve racking and tough!

Making Music

When I ran from the Happy Wiener, I saw Peter Piper, who had refused to take part in the heshe night performances. He seemed sad and depressed, like me, so I stopped and talked to him. Well, we ended up at his apartment and he played his pipe thing and gave me a great massage. As a matter of fact, it was better than Buzzin or Buffoff. Peter Piper was rather rough, but I liked it.

As I lie across his lap, I began to contemplate what Deep Thought had said about paying for stuff. I guess I have been rather frivolous and care free lately. It was time I began to take on fiscal responsibility and go out and get a job. But come to think of it, I don't even know how to begin to look for work.

Peter Piper said he would help me, then he kissed me. Oh, that was so glorious and thrilling! His hot breath entered my mouth and I could feel it flow down and throughout my body, coming out of my woo-woo in the form of music just like when he played his pipe thing. It tingled. Then he put his skin flute with my woo-woo and we really made music!

Soured Love Again!

Heshe night at the Happy Wiener was fun, but ended in tragedy for me. I saw Shyster Pettifogger having a drink with Wolfie of the Death Cheese Band. I felt so jealous for some reason. I asked him about it and he said he was busy with business. Later I saw them kiss! Now what kind of business is that? I was devastated emotionally! I really loved Shyster a lot. And now he has forgotten about me and is interested in Wolfie! What a love life I have! I don't have a love life! I had to go pee, then ran out into the darkness. I just felt like running away from it all! I just felt like running!

The Show Continued...

As the show continued at the Happy Wiener on Heshe night, the Iranian Nukki and the Spooky Guy got up to show their girly costumes.