My Ghost In The Fog

The original Cradle of Filth video is HERE

Restless Night

I have those restless nights when it is so hard to sleep. My legs kill me, even though I do a lot of running. Or maybe it is because I run so much.

Had A Great Time, I Think

I had a wonderful night out with the girls, I think. I really was feeling good after drinking my favorite cheap wine and I don't know what else.

(14) Norvis Tumbles

This is the final scene of a series I made, then I put them together in a video with sound to make a cartoon version of it on Asinine3 Comics. It was sort of like what Cheesemeister was talking about little accomplishments coming together to form larger ones. First I made a photoshop picture. Then put several pictures together to form a moving gif. Then put the gifs together to form a movie. I guess anything is done by piecemeal.

(13) Girl's Night Out

The girls plan a night out.

NEXT

(12) Let's Go Party

Flowering Kudzu and I decided to go out for the evening.

NEXT

(11) Mickey Ratt Protests

I really don't know if it is called Patty Cake like patting, or Paddy Cake like making Paddies. Whatever it is, Mickey Ratt didn't like it.

NEXT

(10) Paddy Cake Paddy Cake...

Norvis acted so surprised and shocked when he walked in and saw us on the bed naked, but we were just playing a game of slapping our hands together and singing Paddy Cake...

NEXT

(9) Norvis Warned by Spooky Guy

Norvis headed back to his Honeymoon Suite to find out what happened to Kudzu and Lammy, but the Spooky Guy warned him not to go into the room!

NEXT

(8) Norvis Woke Up And We Were Gone

Nervous Norvis woke up and we had gone to the room, and so he decided to come up and find out what we were doing.

NEXT

(7) Prenuptial Honeymoon

I was almost as shocked as Norvis when Kudzu said Honeymoon. But after he passed out, she explained to me that it was just a prenuptual sexual encounter to see how it might be if they did get married later on. But I think Kudzu was getting fed up with Norvis passing out and acting so nervous all the time.

NEXT

(6) Honeymoon?

Flowering Kudzu told me she was on a honeymoon with Nervous Norvis! The mere thought of marriage made Norvis so nervous that he passed out!

NEXT

(5) Kudzu and Norvis At The Hotel

I saw my good friend, Flowering Kudzu, at the hotel, and she was with that little nervous guy, Nervous Norvis. He had bandages all around his head from passing out so much and falling.

NEXT

(4) Netherworld Hotel

I began running away from the nasty place where Axe Man was living. I love to get out and run and think. Then I saw the Netherworld Hotel and went there.

NEXT

(3) I Had To Pee

I just couldn't stand it there with Axe Man, especially when Arsewipe stuck his head up out of the toilet, or urinal. It sure ain't easy for a girl to piss in one of them things. I just got the hell out of there.

NEXT

(2) Axe Man Is Uncouth and Obnoxious

Well, it seems I am not hitting it off very well with that band member of the Death Cheese.

NEXT

(1) Axe Man To The Rescue!

After being in that wreck, I was pretty shook up and thought that was a pretty good reason to go have a few drinks at Ugly Grace's bar and grill where the Death Cheese Band plays. But I had pretty much wine and got pretty drunk! I walked outside and took a deep breath, and it all hit me at once. I passed out. But I was pretty lucky because Axe Man, one of the band members, came out and helped me home. But it was pretty strange because he took me to HIS home, not mine!

NEXT

Hello Friends!

I Was In An Accident

After church, Zack Crackajack offered me a ride home. That guy is a terrible driver! He had a wreck from running a red light. Luckily my baby, Lambkin, was okay. But it knocked the piss out of Axolotl the pet salamander that Lambkin plays with. Well, I guess I should say it knocked the piss off of Axolotl, shouldn't I?

I Went To Church

I was so happy to get my baby Lambkin back, that I went to church with Rev. Reptile and Pansi.

Screenplay - SCENE 45

45 INT. UGLY GRACE'S BAR - DIMLY LIT

Death Cheese band is on stage PLAYING A SONG
called "Route Twisted Love":

DEATH CHEESE BAND
(sings)
Love gives life strange turns
Love gives life strange twists
Driving in a mist
On Route Twisted Love!

Kudzu and Phelps sit in a dark corner at a table as
Murry and Norvis come in and sit at another table.
Vinnie enters and sits at the bar beside Lammy and
Henry.

VINNIE BARBARINO
I hears you got your pumpkin back,
Lambchop!

LAMMY
My name's Lammy, not Lambchop.
And my baby is not pumpkin, it's
Lambkin.

VINNIE BARBARINO
Sorry, just kidding. Get it. Kid ing.
Oh, never mind. Where's at?

LAMMY
It's with a baby sitter while we come
out and celebrate.

VINNIE BARBARINO
I'll drink to that, but what are we
celebrating?

LAMMY
We got rid of Quatloo. He's stuck in
another dimension with my
curmudgeon sister, Lula. Forever!

VINNIE BARBARINO
I'll drink to that, but who will be my
boss now?

HASHISH HENRY
That little weed over there.
(points to Kudzu)
She got everything. She's Quatloo's
grand daughter.

VINNIE BARBARINO
Hmmm. All that loot does make her
grand.
(nods toward Murry)
I see that gorgeous blond is still
hanging with that twitchy nervous
creep.

LAMMY jerks and bobs her head as she sings along
with the Death Cheese Band to the words of their
song:

Love gives life strange twists
Love gives life strange turns
Driving in a mist
On Route Twisted Love!

HASHISH HENRY
Or maybe Love creates strange bed-
fellows.

VINNIE BARBARINO
Well, here's looking at you.

Vinnie gets up and walks over to Murry.

NERVOUS NORVIS
Oh, that thug makes me so nervous!

VINNIE BARBARINO
(to Murry)
Hey, beauty queen. A ravishing broad
like you needs a real straight shooter
like me.

NERVOUS NORVIS
Hey, just cause I sit to pee don't
mean I'm not a man! Maybe I'm a
little nervous to shoot straight, but...
(begins to shake)
Oh, I'm so nervous!

VINNIE BARBARINO
(to Murry)
You need a strong steady hand to
hold all that sexy ooze.

MURRY MAGDALENE
Whatever you said, you said it with
heart.

VINNIE BARBARINO
Come on and I'll take you for the ride
of your life, babe.

NERVOUS NORVIS
(crying)
He's making me very nervous!

Norvis falls to the floor and wiggles.

MURRY MAGDALENE
Sounds good to me! You sexy hunk,
you!

VINNIE BARBARINO
(to the band)
Play it again, Cheese!

Murry and Vinnie leave.

FLOWERING KUDZU
Oh, that poor guy.

PHELPS
Yes, I feel sorry for Vinnie, too.

FLOWERING KUDZU
Not that thug! I mean poor Norvis!

PHELPS
Vinnie should have just shot him and
put him out of his misery!

FLOWERING KUDZU
Oh, you are such a cad! How can you
be so cruel!

Kudzu goes over and helps Norvis into a chair and
sits by him.

PHELPS
But what about us? A rich gal like
you needs a good accountant like
me!

FLOWERING KUDZU
All you care about is my money! Get
lost!

Kudzu hugs Norvis.

NERVOUS NORVIS
You are very sweet.

FLOWERING KUDZU
And I love your coffee.

Phelps walks over and sits at a table by himself and
Kudzu and Norvis move to the dark corner table.

LAMMY
Yep! Love can reek havoc!

HASHISH HENRY
I'm just glad we got back together!

LAMMY
(speaks softly)
I haven't been out with that Phelps
guy, yet.

She stares at Phelps who stares back at her.

HASHISH HENRY
What do you mean, 'yet'?

DEATH CHEESE BAND
(sings and plays)
Love gives life strange twists
Love gives life strange turns
Driving in a mist
On Route Twisted Love!

FADE OUT.

THE END

Screenplay - SCENE 44

Axolotl tries to stop Mickey Rat from saving the mean Mr. Quatloo.


44 INT. DR. SCHITZ LAB - DAY

As Snewgflo stands at the control panel of the
machine, Lammy and Henry kiss on the couch.
Lambkin plays on the floor with Mickey Rat and
Axolotl.

Lammy's iPhone rings and she answers it and talks a
moment.

HASHISH HENRY
What is it?

LAMMY
Trouble. Quatloo wants to come
back. He doesn't like Lula.

HASHISH HENRY
Who would.

LAMMY
I get along with her, sometimes.

HASHISH HENRY
But she's your sister.

LAMMY
We can't let Snewgflo find out. He'll
turn the machine off and bring him
back here.

HASHISH HENRY
Damn. Then he'll start making life
miserable for everybody again. What
should we tell Snewgflo.

LAMMY
I don't think the professor wants him
back either, but he's very ethical, in
a strange way. Besides, Quatloo
pays for his experiments.

HASHISH HENRY
Maybe we can distract him until the
hour is up and it will be too late for
Quatloo to return.

LAMMY
I have to pee.

HASHISH HENRY
Not now! We have to think of
something.

LAMMY
I can think while I pee. You think I'm
retarded or something?

Henry then whispers in Lammy's ear. She nods and
gets up and walks slowly over beside Snewgflo.

SNEWGFLO
Has anyone called yet?

LAMMY
Uh. Um. Well. Not yet. How much
longer he got?

SNEWGFLO
(looks at watch)
About five minutes. Who were you
talking to on the iPhone?

LAMMY
No one. Just a friend.

SNEWGFLO
You're acting sort of peculiar, little
lamb head girl. Did he call and you're
lying to me to keep him in there
forever.

LAMMY
(stands against him)
Oh, professor. Don't be silly...
(pissing sound)
Oops.

They look down and see that Lammy had pulled her
skirt up and pressed her bare legs against Snewgflo's
pant legs, then peed.

SNEWGFLO
What the hell! I can't stand urine! I'm
allergic to it! I have to get these
pants off quick!

Snewgflo rushes to the door to the side room.

LAMMY
Where you going?

SNEWGFLO
I have clean pants in here. I'll be
right back. Mickey Rat! Pull that plug
from the wall.

Snewgflo goes in the room and slams the door while
Mickey Rat scampers over to the cord plugged into
the wall socket. The cord and plug are back under
the legs of the machine and Lammy or Henry can't
reach the rat.

LAMMY
Stop him, Axolotl!

Axolotl the salamander hops over to Mickey and they
begin to wrestle. Mickey knocks Axolotl down
several times and starts to pull the plug when
Axolotl manages to knock the cord away and wrestle
with Mickey Rat.

Meanwhile, Lammy and Henry scoot the couch over
in front of the door and hear BANGING OF FISTS from
the other side.

HASHISH HENRY
That will keep him for a while.

Mickey Rat knocks Axolotl onto his back where he
lies still.

MICKEY RAT
And I thought you were my buddy.

Mickey Rat then takes the cord with his paws and
mouth and begins to pull. The end of the cord begins
to slightly slip out of the wall socket. The digital
countdown clock on the machine shows 30
SECONDS.

The cord slides a little more from socket.

LAMMY
Stop! Please don't do it! Don't let
that mean ole guy out!

MICKEY RAT
What's in it for me?

HASHISH HENRY
Cheese?

MICKEY RAT
I get all I can eat here at the lab!

LAMMY
Girl Rats?

MICKEY RAT
Got that. You guys are just trying to
stall!

Mickey Rat then grips the cord with his paws and
bites down hard on the cord for a good grip, but
sparks fly, he brightens up and we see his skeleton
for a second, then he falls back.

Lammy looks up to the clock and it continues to
count down 5-4-3-2-1-0. A buzzer sounds.

LAMMY
Did he get shocked?

HASHISH HENRY
If he had shorted the cord and got
shocked, it would have stopped the
machine.

They look around, then see Axolotl lying on the
handle of the stun gun.

Lammy and Henry hug each other and kiss as they
hear a scream from inside the machine.

QUATLOO
(muffled voice)
I want out of here! I want out of
here!

Continue

Screenplay - SCENE 43

43 EXT. BEAUTIFUL MEADOW - DAY

Quatloo craws out of the pipe and stands looking at
Lula in the distance.

QUATLOO
Hey, are you Lammy's sister?

LULA
I'm coming as fuck'n fast as I can,
just don't get your ass in an uproar.

Quatloo fidgets as he waits for her to walk very
slowly toward him. He looks about and picks some
berries from a bush and eats them and shakes his
head in approval. Then he picks a fruit from a tree
and bites it, chews and smiles.

He notices a picnic table covered with all forms of
food with a fancy ambiance. He stands over it and
smells the items and samples some and grins as Lula
finally arrives.

QUATLOO
Thank you for a commendable job of
preparing such a fantastic and
succulent meal.

LULA
I didn't do that shit! Those fuck'n
fairies do that all the time. I guess
that's their shitty job or something.

QUATLOO
Fairies?

LULA
Didn't you pick me any fuck'n
flowers?

QUATLOO
Oh, sorry. I'm new here.

LULA
You look old. You look like a hundred
year old bastard!

QUATLOO
I will be soon, as a matter of fact.
But I am in excellent condition due
to the assistance of Dr. Schitz. I
have the body of a 25 year old.

LULA
Me, too! That's because I just turned
25. Why's your hair and beard all
fuck'n white like that?

QUATLOO
I thought it made me look
distinguished and wise.

LULA
You look shitty and stupid!

QUATLOO
Well. I was smart enough to become
a billionaire.

LULA
Ha! Then you must be a real scrooge
asshole! Let's see if you can kiss.

They kiss.

QUATLOO
How was that? Like that?

LULA
I got a mouth full of fuck'n hair
instead of tongue! Nasty shit! That
shit's got to go!
(motions with hand)
Fairies!

Dozens of small fairies swarm around Quatloo's head
as he screams. He dances around and waves his
hand trying to shoo them away. When they leave, he
is clean shaven and bald.

QUATLOO
What the hell!

LULA
Now. That fuck'n suit's got to go!
(motions with hand)
Fairies!

The fairies swarm around his whole body and when
they leave he is dressed in a tee-shirt and shorts.

QUATLOO
Damn! I got sensitive skin! I don't
want to get skin cancer from the
sun!

LULA
Your ass don't get sick over here.

QUATLOO
I need a comfortable chair and my
business newspapers.

LULA
You don't need that shit here.

QUATLOO
What about sex. How about it?

LULA
Whenever I get in the fuck'n mood.

QUATLOO
You? Hey. You ain't the boss. When I
say fuck you fall back and spread!

LULA
Not with me, dick head! And I don't
do bottom. I'll be on top. You get the
fuck'n scratchy grass all over your
back and ass!

QUATLOO
You're a snot nose little bitch!

Lula kicks him in the groin causing him to double
over in pain.

LULA
That's what everyone said about me
over there.

QUATLOO
Hell with this! I want to go back
'over there' as you say. Where's my
iPhone. I want out of here!

Quatloo looks around for his iPhone as Lula holds it
and laughs. Quatloo tries to take it from her.

LULA
(motions with hand)
Fuckers!

The swarm of fairies surround Quatloo and begin
poking him with little sticks like bees stinging him.
He screams and runs and the swarm follow him until
he comes to a lake and jumps in.

Continue

Screenplay - SCENE 42

42 INT. DR. SCHITZ LAB - DAY

Lammy, holding Lambkin, Henry, Snewgflo, Schitz,
Quatloo, Phelps and Kudzu gather around the
machine.

QUATLOO
(to Snewgflo)
So I have one hour to decide if I
want to stay or not?

SNEWGFLO
Yes. Here.
(hands him iPhone)
If you want out, just call us.

QUATLOO
Is the girl expecting me?

LAMMY
I called my sister and told her. Lula
is waiting for you.

QUATLOO
I hope she likes me.

LAMMY
She is what they call a young
curmudgeon, but you'll get used to
her.
(whispers to Henry)
Not.

Quatloo climbs onto the cot and then crawls into the
small opening into the machine.

Snewgflo presses the 'on' button, but nothing
happens.

SNEWGFLO
What's wrong with it! It's not
working! It's broke!

Mickey Rat sticks the cord into the wall plug and the
machine starts to roar.

FLOWERING KUDZU
Hope he likes it in there!

PHELPS
Sure, then you will get all his money.
(stares at her)
By the way, you got a boyfriend?

FLOWERING KUDZU
Not at the moment.

PHELPS
How bout going down to Ugly
Grace's bar and have a couple drinks
with me while we wait.

FLOWERING KUDZU
Sure. How long have you worked for
grand-daddy?

Their voices FADE AND ECHOES as they walk out of
the door and down the hall.

LAMMY
Hey. What happened to Axe Man?

HASHISH HENRY
Oh. Well. He saw that band leaving
and started talking to them and
forgot all about you.

LAMMY
He always could just think of one
thing at a time, like a one track
mind.

HASHISH HENRY
And so he went with them to jam, or
whatever they call it.

LAMMY
Musicians are fickle sometimes.
They love their music more than
anything.

DR. SCHITZ
Oh, will you guys please excuse me
for a while.

SNEWGFLO
Where you going?

DR. SCHITZ
I have to perform some surgery.

HASHISH HENRY
Anyone we know?

DR. SCHITZ
As a matter of fact, yes. Murry
Magdalene. He wants me to give him
a sex-change operation.

LAMMY
You going to cut off his penis?

DR. SCHITZ
(smirks)
My nurse Violent will do that. I will
then sew in a woo-woo for him.

HASHISH HENRY
That will make Norvis happy.

LAMMY
If he doesn't get too nervous to hit
the hole!

Henry and Lammy sit on the couch as Snewgflo
watches the dials on the machine.

Continue

Screenplay - SCENE 41

41 INT. CEREMONY ROOM - DIMLY LIT

Evil Ed stands behind the altar table waving butcher
knives around in the air over Lambkin as he mumbles
unintelligible words.

Enditall the witch stands at his side looking bored.

Quatloo, Phelps, Schitz and Snewgflo stand in front
of the crowd watching as the satanic band plays.

QUATLOO
Come on, Evil Ed! You've been
mumbling and waving those knives
around for twenty minutes! How long
does this crap take?

EVIL ED
Do you want it done right or not?

QUATLOO
Just drain the blood and get it over
with!

EVIL ED
Well, maybe you'd like to come up
here and do it, since you're such a
smart ass know-it-all! I mean, well, I
am just doing this as an extra job to
pick up a few bucks.

QUATLOO
You had better keep your day job. I
could do better than what you have
done so far! I bet those words you
mumble don't mean shit!

ENDITALL THE WITCH
(laughing)
Really, they don't mean anything!
Evil Ed is not really evil. That's just
his nickname he uses when he
writes for that crappy newspaper.

QUATLOO
Get out! You are all fired! And take
that crappy band with you!

The crowd files out and the band stops playing and
leaves.

EVIL ED
Fine. Just do it yourself! I don't think
I can ever eat lamb chops again!

Evil Ed and Enditall leave.

Quatloo nudges Schitz.

QUATLOO
Go on up there and drain the baby's
blood! You're a surgeon.

DR. SCHITZ
Surgeon, yes. But not a butcher.
Besides, the baby isn't the child of
the Grim Reaper! So why drain it's
blood.

QUATLOO
Huh?

DR. SCHITZ
The lambkin's blood won't do you
any good at all!

QUATLOO
(stares at the child)
Damn! That's right. But it's from
Lammy. It's got her blood! She was
dead and now she lives!

Lammy enters the room with Henry.

LAMMY
You want my blood. Take my blood!
Butcher me, not my baby! Lambkin
won't do you any good. It's just an
ordinary baby with wool and a lamb's
head.

PHELPS
A baby with wool and sheep head
sure ain't ordinary.

LAMMY
It won't do you any good.

Lammy runs over and grabs up the baby in her arms.

QUATLOO
What the hell was I thinking? I just
over-reacted. Things just aren't
working out for me! I like to be in
control!

PHELPS
Well, you're the boss.

QUATLOO
I feel so stupid. All I really want is to
live forever. I don't want to die now
after making all this money! I'm rich
you know. It would be a waste to
just up and die. What good is it to
work all your life and get rich if you
just die after you get rich?

LAMMY
Maybe there's another way.

QUATLOO
To live forever?

LAMMY
But there's one problem with what I
got in mind.

QUATLOO
What?

LAMMY
You can't have your money and live
forever, both.

QUATLOO
Who wants to live forever in poverty?

LAMMY
When I was in Prof. Snewgflo's
machine, there was a beautiful
dimension where you never get sick
or old or hungry or anything.

SNEWGFLO
My machine!

LAMMY
Yes. Where my sister is. She has all
she needs, but she is lonely. She
needs someone.

QUATLOO
Does she have a lamb's head and bad
breath like you?

LAMMY
No. She is real pretty with long red
hair and a body like mine.

QUATLOO
You do look nice from the neck
down.

LAMMY
You can go in there for an hour and
see what it is like. Longer than that,
then you stay forever.

QUATLOO
And live forever?

SNEWGFLO
Yes. That's all true.

PHELPS
But what about all that money, Mr.
Quatloo?

QUATLOO
My grand-daughter, Flowering Kudzu
will get it. That is, if I decide to stay.
(thinks)
You say I got an hour in there to
decide?

SNEWGFLO
Yes. An hour.

QUATLOO
What are we waiting for. Let's get
over to the lab! I want to try this out!

They all leave. The room is empty and SILENT.

The rest room door opens and Vinnie comes out and
looks around.

VINNIE BARBARINO
What the hell? Where's the party?
Where did everyone go? Damn! I hate
when this happens!

Continue

Screenplay - SCENE 40

Only five more scenes after this.


40 EXT. HELL'S PASS HOSPITAL - DAY

Reptile, Murry, Norvis, Kudzu, Sexxi, Axe Man, Henry
and Lammy walk to the drive.

HASHISH HENRY
Reptile, Murry and Norvis. You guys
take the SUV. Axe Man, Lammy and I
will take my car that's in Dante's
Park.

OFFICER SEXXI
I'll lead the way in my cruiser with
lights and sirens. Hope we get to
Quatloo's before he sacrifices that
baby.

LAMMY
My Lambkin! Why is he going to kill
my Lambkin?

HASHISH HENRY
(as they walk to the car)
He thinks the baby's blood will make
him live forever.

LAMMY
What a ass hole. Real dumbass!

Their voices fade as they walk across the road to
Dante's Park.

Reptile, Murry and Norvis remain beside the SUV.

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
I'll drive.

MURRY MAGDALENE
Why can't I do the driving?

NERVOUS NORVIS
I'm too nervous to drive.

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
I think I better drive and let you two
sit in the back. You got a lot to talk
about. I'll be praying for you.

They get in.

CUT TO:

INT. THE BACKSEAT AS CAR DRIVES.

NERVOUS NORVIS
You really are a sweet girl and I like
you a whole lot, you know.

MURRY MAGDALENE
And I like you, Norvis.

NERVOUS NORVIS
I'm so nervous, I don't know how to
say this.

MURRY MAGDALENE
(sobbing)
Are you going to break up with me?
Oh, it will break my heart right into!

NERVOUS NORVIS
(shaking all over)
There's just something I don't
understand, and I get real nervous
when I don't understand and
Reverend Reptile said you would
help me understand. Do you
understand?

MURRY MAGDALENE
What is it, my love?

Murry kisses Norvis.

NERVOUS NORVIS
Like, well, first, how about that
adam's apple there in your neck? I
thought only guys had those. Why
would a girl like you have one?

Murry rubs his neck.

MURRY MAGDALENE
Oh, this. Well, you see. It's like this.
I had an accident when I was a child.
I got a chicken bone lodged in my
neck right there and they said it
would be too dangerous to try to
take it out and it doesn't block my
pipes much. It just sticks out in the
front like a man's adam apple.

NERVOUS NORVIS
Oh. I thought there was a reasonable
explanation for that! I feel better
now. Still nervous, but better.

MURRY MAGDALENE
I'm so glad, my love. I thought there
for a minute you were going to break
up with me.

NERVOUS NORVIS
There's one more thing.

MURRY MAGDALENE
Oh, really? What could that be?

NERVOUS NORVIS
Well, when you were hanging from
the roof before we went up and
helped you up, well, when we were
down on the ground looking up...

MURRY MAGDALENE
Oh dear! Don't tell me you naughty
little boys were looking up my dress!

NERVOUS NORVIS
Yeah, like that. We were.

MURRY MAGDALENE
My oh my oh my. How embarrassing!

NERVOUS NORVIS
I'm kind of nervous now to ask about
this, but it looked like you had a
penis, like a man. Why would a girl
like you have a penis.

MURRY MAGDALENE
You see, sweetheart. When I was
just a little girl, I had what they call
"penis envy".

NERVOUS NORVIS
Huh?

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
Lord, have mercy on them!

MURRY MAGDALENE
Yes. It is a terrible thing for a little
girl to go through. So my parents got
me one.

NERVOUS NORVIS
They got you a penis?

MURRY MAGDALENE
Yes. It was a present for my
birthday.

NERVOUS NORVIS
That was awful nice of your parents.
I didn't mean to embarrass you, but I
just had to know.

MURRY MAGDALENE
Do you still love little ole me,
sweets?

NERVOUS NORVIS
Of course. You're the nicest
girlfriend I ever had, even if you do
have a penis.

They kiss as Reptile prays softly.

Continue

Screenplay - SCENE 39

39 INT. DR. SCHITZ LAB - DAY

Henry and Axe Man look at the machine.

AXE MAN
What?

HASHISH HENRY
It's the machine Lammy is trapped
in. We just have a few seconds to
get her out.

AXE MAN
Lammy? There?

HASHISH HENRY
Yes. We have to turn it off, quick!

AXE MAN
Off?

HASHISH HENRY
So Lammy can get out, or she'll be
stuck there, forever!

AXE MAN
Lammy? Out?

HASHISH HENRY
Hit the damn thing with that ax,
dumb ass!

Axe Man swings the ax, but the machine is metal and
doesn't even dent.

LOUD CLANG.

Axe Man vibrates and falls back.

MICKEY RAT
Can I assist you gentlemen's?

HASHISH HENRY
Huh? Who said that?

MICKEY RAT
Down here. you's needs help?

HASHISH HENRY
A rat!

MICKEY RAT
Yeah, yeah. Okay. What's the
problem?

HASHISH HENRY
We have to turn this thing off to save
my girl!

MICKEY RAT
What's in it for me?

HASHISH HENRY
We only have a couple seconds or
Lammy and Axolotl will be trapped in
there forever!

MICKEY RAT
Axolotl? That's my buddy!

Mickey Rat scampers over to the cord and struggles
with it until he finally jerks it out of the wall socket.

The machine stops.

HASHISH HENRY
Ah. That was simple. Why didn't I
think of that?

MICKEY RAT
That's 'cause I'm so short. I means,
you's could of just hit the off button,
up there's.

Lammy climbs out of the Machine and Henry helps
her down and they hug and kiss.

Axolotl comes out and Mickey Rat scampers up and
hugs him and they SQUEAL.

AXE MAN
Lammy. Mine!

Axe Man leaps up and raises his ax to strike Henry.

LAMMY
No, Axe. Don't.

She goes over and kisses him.

AXE MAN
Lammy. Good Ass.

LAMMY
You and Henry have to help me save
my baby! Think you can be a good
boy and work with him for a while?

AXE MAN
Baby? Mine?

LAMMY
I don't know. Could be. But you two
have to work together and help me.
Do you understand that?

AXE MAN
Work? Axe Man work?

LAMMY
I mean be like friends and help me.
Do you know what I mean? Partners.
Like when you play with others in
the band? If you want to call it that.

AXE MAN
Axe Man. Play.

HASHISH HENRY
Friends?

Axe Man and Henry stare at each other. Then they
finally reach out their hands and shake.

AXE MAN
Friends. Help Lammy.

SOUND OF APPLAUSE.

Reptile, Murry, Norvis, Kudzu and Sexxi are all
standing at the door watching and clapping.

Continue

Screenplay - SCENE 38

38 EXT. BEAUTIFUL MEADOW - DAY

Lammy and Lula walk holding hands as fairies fly
around and Axolotl hops beside them.

LULA
(nods at Axolotl)
That's such a cute little fucker once
you get used to him.

LAMMY
(laughs)
But you can't let him in the house
because of the smell.
(looks around)
Don't you have houses in this world?
Or other people? I mean, is it all just
like this?

LULA
I have all the shit I need here. I
really didn't like the fuck'n bastards
when I was back over there. And the
sons of bitches hated my ass, too!
Fuck them all!

Lula leads Lammy over to a clump of bushes that has
marijuana growing with them.

LAMMY
(giggles)
Hashish Henry would love this place!

LULA
Who the shit?

LAMMY
My boyfriend.
(silly closed mouth smile)
For now.
(shrugs shoulders)
I guess.

LULA
Don't you know?

LAMMY
Well, we were going together and
then you were in the cemetery and
he didn't tell me, so I got mad at
him.

LULA
That wasn't me. I can't leave this
place.

LAMMY
But who was it, then?

LULA
It was a bitch called Lyanne Sakks
acting like me.

LAMMY
If you can't leave, how'd you know
that?

Lula pulls out a iPhone and taps on the screen, then
shows Lammy.

LULA
I could see what the fuck goes on
over there with my iPhone. Fuck'n
Snewgflo gave it to me and added
some special shit to it.

LAMMY
Wow. You can see what goes on in
my world!

LULA
But I don't use the sucker much
because you can't talk back to me.
But fuck'n Snewgflo might give you
one, then we could talk and shit.

LAMMY
You not coming back with me?

LULA
After so long, you fuck'n can't leave.
Now I can never leave. Fuck, I don't
really want to go back to that shit
hole over there.

LAMMY
But I don't want to stay here, like
forever!

Lula presses the screen, then shows Lammy.

The screen shows Henry and Axe Man in the lab.

LULA
They might save your ass. But if they
do, be sure and get one of these so
you can fuck'n call me.

LAMMY
How about that. Henry and Axe Man
together.

Then Lula shoos away the flying fairies then taps the
screen again and shows it to Lammy.

It shows the ceremony room at Quatloo's and Evil Ed
with the knives above Lambkin on the altar.

LULA
Isn't that your baby?

LAMMY
My Lambkin! I really do have a baby!
They had me convinced it was all in
my imagination! Got so, I don't know
what's real and what ain't.

LULA
I was like that. But way fuck'n worse
than you are. That's why I'm better
off over here.
(stares at iPhone)
Look at this fool.

LAMMY
That's Evil Ed, I think. Some reporter
for the Crappy Times. What's he
doing there?

LULA
Sort of funny as hell.

LAMMY
Killing my baby ain't funny!

LULA
Don't mean it that way. Just the
nervous shit-faced look.

LAMMY
Huh?

LULA
And his hands are shaking. Looks
fuck'n scared. Or just don't want to
be there. Doing that.

LAMMY
Is there a way I can get out? I got to
save Lambkin!

LULA
Only if they turn off the fuck'n
machine, then you can go back
through that pipe over there.

They look at a drain pipe coming out of the hillside.

LAMMY
They'll save me!

LULA
Then which one will you go with?
The fucker with the ax or the bastard
with the sandwich head?

LAMMY
I like them both. Oh. I have so much
trouble making up my mind! I just
can't make a decision!

LULA
At least you have a choice. I get
fuck'n lonely here. Just these damn
fairies.

LAMMY
Maybe when I get out, I can find
someone who will want to come
here and live forever with you.

LULA
If you get your ass out, don't forget
me.

They hug. Fairies buzz around them.

LAMMY
I'll never forget you, sis. I love you!

Lula shoos the fairies then looks at the little screen.

LULA
I think they are about to rescue your
ass! Haul it over there and get
ready!

Lammy and Axolotl run over to the pipe, then Lammy
runs back and hugs and kisses her sister.

Continue

Screenplay - SCENE 37

Axe Man

37 EXT. HELL'S PASS HOSPITAL - MORNING

The gas stops spewing from the holes in the wall.

Henry, Norvis and Reptile are rolling on the ground
laughing.

Henry tries to get up, but continues to laugh, holding
his stomach.

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
The gas has stopped and red light
went out! The Red Queen must not
be working now!

HASHISH HENRY
I've got to get to the lab and get
Lammy out of that machine!

Norvis gets up, then looks up at Murry again.

NERVOUS NORVIS
Oh no! This makes me more nervous
than I have ever been!

He again falls to the ground and wiggles and flops
like a fish out of water.

Henry tries to open the door, but can't.

HASHISH HENRY
We need to break down the door.

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
(pointing)
Praise the Lord!

They see Axe Man coming up the road swinging his
big ax.

HASHISH HENRY
What are you doing here?

AXE MAN
Follow. Want Lammy.

HASHISH HENRY
Easy there, big guy!

AXE MAN
(raises ax)
Where Lammy?

Axe Man swings the ax at Henry who keeps dodging.

HASHISH HENRY
Careful with that big ass blade!

Henry falls to the ground on his back and Axe Man
chops down with the ax, but Henry rolls sideways
and the ax sticks in the dirt.

AXE MAN
Save Lammy!

Then Henry stands against the door.

Axe Man lifts the ax above his head ready to strike
down on Henry.

SLOW MOTION OF AXE MAN SWINGING AXE DOWN
AT HENRY.

Just as the gleaming blade is almost against his
forehead, Henry jumps out of the way.

The blade strikes the door and sparks fly and the
door falls inward.

HASHISH HENRY
Good job, big guy!

AXE MAN
But me miss you.

HASHISH HENRY
Come on. We have to work together
and save Lammy!

AXE MAN
Lammy! Good ass!

HASHISH HENRY
(to Reptile)
Grab Norvis and come on to the lab!

Henry and Axe Man rush into the building.

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
Come on Norvis! Get up!

Norvis points up.

On the roof, Sexxi and Kudzu are pulling Murry up.

NERVOUS NORVIS
How can a girl have a penis?

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
The Lord works in mysterious ways.

NERVOUS NORVIS
Mysterious stuff makes me nervous.

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
Come on. Murry will explain it to
you.

NERVOUS NORVIS
You think so?

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
Sure!

Reptile and Norvis go into the building.

Continue

Screenplay - SCENE 36

36 INT. DR. SCHITZ LAB - MORNING

Nurse Violent, Officer Sexxi and Flowering Kudzu
come in.

OFFICER SEXXI
Where did they go?

NURSE VIOLENT
They flew over to Mr. Quatloo's.

FLOWERING KUDZU
Won't their arms get awfully tired?

NURSE VIOLENT
In a chopper, you idiot!

OFFICER SEXXI
(pulls gun)
You're the chopper! Now get on the
floor and spread your hands!

Violent lies face down on the floor.

NURSE VIOLENT
I usually spread my legs!

Sexxi pulls Violent's arms behind her back.

Sexxi fumbles for her handcuffs, but can't find them.

OFFICER SEXXI
Where the hell those son-bitches at?

Violent's head then begins to turn all the way around
until it faces backward, staring at Sexxi.

FLOWERING KUDZU
Is that why they call her 'rubber
neck'?

Violent opens her mouth wide showing fangs and
snarling, trying to bite Sexxi.

Sexxi jumps up and points her gun at Violent's face.

Violent's head spins on around until facing her front
and she stands.

OFFICER SEXXI
Where's the phone! I need to call for
back-up!

NURSE VIOLENT
(yells)
Red Queen! Neutralize the bitch!

RED QUEEN
Which one? I detect three.

Sexxi pulls out a handkerchief and stuffs it in
Violent's mouth.

Then she pulls a small object from her pocket.

OFFICER SEXXI
Now, one more word out of you and I
will spray your eyes full of mace!

FLOWERING KUDZU
But that's a cigarette lighter.

OFFICER SEXXI
Oh. Well, it will just have to do.

Sexxi lights the lighter, then sets the handkerchief in
Violent's mouth on fire.

Flames flare up in Violent's face.

Violent then turns and runs back into the other room.

Sexxi then goes to the hall door and tries to open it.

RED QUEEN
What is the password?

OFFICER SEXXI
It's "fuck you!"

Sexxi shoots the camera and red light above the
door.

RED QUEEN
Oh! You shot me!

OFFICER SEXXI
(shoots several more times)
Die! Won't you die?

Blood pours out.

RED QUEEN
I'm crashing, I'm crash...

SILENCE.

Sexxi looks at Kudzu and then opens the door.

Kudzu and Sexxi go out.

Continue