Screenplay - SCENE 43

43 EXT. BEAUTIFUL MEADOW - DAY

Quatloo craws out of the pipe and stands looking at
Lula in the distance.

QUATLOO
Hey, are you Lammy's sister?

LULA
I'm coming as fuck'n fast as I can,
just don't get your ass in an uproar.

Quatloo fidgets as he waits for her to walk very
slowly toward him. He looks about and picks some
berries from a bush and eats them and shakes his
head in approval. Then he picks a fruit from a tree
and bites it, chews and smiles.

He notices a picnic table covered with all forms of
food with a fancy ambiance. He stands over it and
smells the items and samples some and grins as Lula
finally arrives.

QUATLOO
Thank you for a commendable job of
preparing such a fantastic and
succulent meal.

LULA
I didn't do that shit! Those fuck'n
fairies do that all the time. I guess
that's their shitty job or something.

QUATLOO
Fairies?

LULA
Didn't you pick me any fuck'n
flowers?

QUATLOO
Oh, sorry. I'm new here.

LULA
You look old. You look like a hundred
year old bastard!

QUATLOO
I will be soon, as a matter of fact.
But I am in excellent condition due
to the assistance of Dr. Schitz. I
have the body of a 25 year old.

LULA
Me, too! That's because I just turned
25. Why's your hair and beard all
fuck'n white like that?

QUATLOO
I thought it made me look
distinguished and wise.

LULA
You look shitty and stupid!

QUATLOO
Well. I was smart enough to become
a billionaire.

LULA
Ha! Then you must be a real scrooge
asshole! Let's see if you can kiss.

They kiss.

QUATLOO
How was that? Like that?

LULA
I got a mouth full of fuck'n hair
instead of tongue! Nasty shit! That
shit's got to go!
(motions with hand)
Fairies!

Dozens of small fairies swarm around Quatloo's head
as he screams. He dances around and waves his
hand trying to shoo them away. When they leave, he
is clean shaven and bald.

QUATLOO
What the hell!

LULA
Now. That fuck'n suit's got to go!
(motions with hand)
Fairies!

The fairies swarm around his whole body and when
they leave he is dressed in a tee-shirt and shorts.

QUATLOO
Damn! I got sensitive skin! I don't
want to get skin cancer from the
sun!

LULA
Your ass don't get sick over here.

QUATLOO
I need a comfortable chair and my
business newspapers.

LULA
You don't need that shit here.

QUATLOO
What about sex. How about it?

LULA
Whenever I get in the fuck'n mood.

QUATLOO
You? Hey. You ain't the boss. When I
say fuck you fall back and spread!

LULA
Not with me, dick head! And I don't
do bottom. I'll be on top. You get the
fuck'n scratchy grass all over your
back and ass!

QUATLOO
You're a snot nose little bitch!

Lula kicks him in the groin causing him to double
over in pain.

LULA
That's what everyone said about me
over there.

QUATLOO
Hell with this! I want to go back
'over there' as you say. Where's my
iPhone. I want out of here!

Quatloo looks around for his iPhone as Lula holds it
and laughs. Quatloo tries to take it from her.

LULA
(motions with hand)
Fuckers!

The swarm of fairies surround Quatloo and begin
poking him with little sticks like bees stinging him.
He screams and runs and the swarm follow him until
he comes to a lake and jumps in.

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