Screenplay - SCENE 41

41 INT. CEREMONY ROOM - DIMLY LIT

Evil Ed stands behind the altar table waving butcher
knives around in the air over Lambkin as he mumbles
unintelligible words.

Enditall the witch stands at his side looking bored.

Quatloo, Phelps, Schitz and Snewgflo stand in front
of the crowd watching as the satanic band plays.

QUATLOO
Come on, Evil Ed! You've been
mumbling and waving those knives
around for twenty minutes! How long
does this crap take?

EVIL ED
Do you want it done right or not?

QUATLOO
Just drain the blood and get it over
with!

EVIL ED
Well, maybe you'd like to come up
here and do it, since you're such a
smart ass know-it-all! I mean, well, I
am just doing this as an extra job to
pick up a few bucks.

QUATLOO
You had better keep your day job. I
could do better than what you have
done so far! I bet those words you
mumble don't mean shit!

ENDITALL THE WITCH
(laughing)
Really, they don't mean anything!
Evil Ed is not really evil. That's just
his nickname he uses when he
writes for that crappy newspaper.

QUATLOO
Get out! You are all fired! And take
that crappy band with you!

The crowd files out and the band stops playing and
leaves.

EVIL ED
Fine. Just do it yourself! I don't think
I can ever eat lamb chops again!

Evil Ed and Enditall leave.

Quatloo nudges Schitz.

QUATLOO
Go on up there and drain the baby's
blood! You're a surgeon.

DR. SCHITZ
Surgeon, yes. But not a butcher.
Besides, the baby isn't the child of
the Grim Reaper! So why drain it's
blood.

QUATLOO
Huh?

DR. SCHITZ
The lambkin's blood won't do you
any good at all!

QUATLOO
(stares at the child)
Damn! That's right. But it's from
Lammy. It's got her blood! She was
dead and now she lives!

Lammy enters the room with Henry.

LAMMY
You want my blood. Take my blood!
Butcher me, not my baby! Lambkin
won't do you any good. It's just an
ordinary baby with wool and a lamb's
head.

PHELPS
A baby with wool and sheep head
sure ain't ordinary.

LAMMY
It won't do you any good.

Lammy runs over and grabs up the baby in her arms.

QUATLOO
What the hell was I thinking? I just
over-reacted. Things just aren't
working out for me! I like to be in
control!

PHELPS
Well, you're the boss.

QUATLOO
I feel so stupid. All I really want is to
live forever. I don't want to die now
after making all this money! I'm rich
you know. It would be a waste to
just up and die. What good is it to
work all your life and get rich if you
just die after you get rich?

LAMMY
Maybe there's another way.

QUATLOO
To live forever?

LAMMY
But there's one problem with what I
got in mind.

QUATLOO
What?

LAMMY
You can't have your money and live
forever, both.

QUATLOO
Who wants to live forever in poverty?

LAMMY
When I was in Prof. Snewgflo's
machine, there was a beautiful
dimension where you never get sick
or old or hungry or anything.

SNEWGFLO
My machine!

LAMMY
Yes. Where my sister is. She has all
she needs, but she is lonely. She
needs someone.

QUATLOO
Does she have a lamb's head and bad
breath like you?

LAMMY
No. She is real pretty with long red
hair and a body like mine.

QUATLOO
You do look nice from the neck
down.

LAMMY
You can go in there for an hour and
see what it is like. Longer than that,
then you stay forever.

QUATLOO
And live forever?

SNEWGFLO
Yes. That's all true.

PHELPS
But what about all that money, Mr.
Quatloo?

QUATLOO
My grand-daughter, Flowering Kudzu
will get it. That is, if I decide to stay.
(thinks)
You say I got an hour in there to
decide?

SNEWGFLO
Yes. An hour.

QUATLOO
What are we waiting for. Let's get
over to the lab! I want to try this out!

They all leave. The room is empty and SILENT.

The rest room door opens and Vinnie comes out and
looks around.

VINNIE BARBARINO
What the hell? Where's the party?
Where did everyone go? Damn! I hate
when this happens!

Continue