Garden (778)

Lammy visits Hashish Henry's garden.

Henry Won't Give Up On Me

Hashish Henry keeps following me and wanting me to come back to him.

Thoughts About Henry

I don't know if I want to marry Henry or not.

Hashish Henry Is Worried

The sandwich head man, Hashish Henry, is getting worried about Lammy since he has proposed to her. She has been out running around and he hasn't seen her in over a week since she accepted.

Henry Pops The Question

I couldn't believe it! Henry actually proposed to me. Maybe we will be able to join the group wedding with Dr. Schitz and Nurse Violent and Wolfie and Nossy, the vampire. It will be an interesting fall. Now if we could only get Flowering Kudzu and Nervous Norvis to hitch up.

Hashish Henry

I saw my on-off boyfriend, Hashish Henry, in the park. He has a sandwich for a head like I have a Lamb's head, so we have something in common, sort of. I just couldn't wait to be in his arms again. His kisses are so delicious!

Screenplay - SCENE 40

Only five more scenes after this.


40 EXT. HELL'S PASS HOSPITAL - DAY

Reptile, Murry, Norvis, Kudzu, Sexxi, Axe Man, Henry
and Lammy walk to the drive.

HASHISH HENRY
Reptile, Murry and Norvis. You guys
take the SUV. Axe Man, Lammy and I
will take my car that's in Dante's
Park.

OFFICER SEXXI
I'll lead the way in my cruiser with
lights and sirens. Hope we get to
Quatloo's before he sacrifices that
baby.

LAMMY
My Lambkin! Why is he going to kill
my Lambkin?

HASHISH HENRY
(as they walk to the car)
He thinks the baby's blood will make
him live forever.

LAMMY
What a ass hole. Real dumbass!

Their voices fade as they walk across the road to
Dante's Park.

Reptile, Murry and Norvis remain beside the SUV.

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
I'll drive.

MURRY MAGDALENE
Why can't I do the driving?

NERVOUS NORVIS
I'm too nervous to drive.

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
I think I better drive and let you two
sit in the back. You got a lot to talk
about. I'll be praying for you.

They get in.

CUT TO:

INT. THE BACKSEAT AS CAR DRIVES.

NERVOUS NORVIS
You really are a sweet girl and I like
you a whole lot, you know.

MURRY MAGDALENE
And I like you, Norvis.

NERVOUS NORVIS
I'm so nervous, I don't know how to
say this.

MURRY MAGDALENE
(sobbing)
Are you going to break up with me?
Oh, it will break my heart right into!

NERVOUS NORVIS
(shaking all over)
There's just something I don't
understand, and I get real nervous
when I don't understand and
Reverend Reptile said you would
help me understand. Do you
understand?

MURRY MAGDALENE
What is it, my love?

Murry kisses Norvis.

NERVOUS NORVIS
Like, well, first, how about that
adam's apple there in your neck? I
thought only guys had those. Why
would a girl like you have one?

Murry rubs his neck.

MURRY MAGDALENE
Oh, this. Well, you see. It's like this.
I had an accident when I was a child.
I got a chicken bone lodged in my
neck right there and they said it
would be too dangerous to try to
take it out and it doesn't block my
pipes much. It just sticks out in the
front like a man's adam apple.

NERVOUS NORVIS
Oh. I thought there was a reasonable
explanation for that! I feel better
now. Still nervous, but better.

MURRY MAGDALENE
I'm so glad, my love. I thought there
for a minute you were going to break
up with me.

NERVOUS NORVIS
There's one more thing.

MURRY MAGDALENE
Oh, really? What could that be?

NERVOUS NORVIS
Well, when you were hanging from
the roof before we went up and
helped you up, well, when we were
down on the ground looking up...

MURRY MAGDALENE
Oh dear! Don't tell me you naughty
little boys were looking up my dress!

NERVOUS NORVIS
Yeah, like that. We were.

MURRY MAGDALENE
My oh my oh my. How embarrassing!

NERVOUS NORVIS
I'm kind of nervous now to ask about
this, but it looked like you had a
penis, like a man. Why would a girl
like you have a penis.

MURRY MAGDALENE
You see, sweetheart. When I was
just a little girl, I had what they call
"penis envy".

NERVOUS NORVIS
Huh?

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
Lord, have mercy on them!

MURRY MAGDALENE
Yes. It is a terrible thing for a little
girl to go through. So my parents got
me one.

NERVOUS NORVIS
They got you a penis?

MURRY MAGDALENE
Yes. It was a present for my
birthday.

NERVOUS NORVIS
That was awful nice of your parents.
I didn't mean to embarrass you, but I
just had to know.

MURRY MAGDALENE
Do you still love little ole me,
sweets?

NERVOUS NORVIS
Of course. You're the nicest
girlfriend I ever had, even if you do
have a penis.

They kiss as Reptile prays softly.

Continue

Screenplay - SCENE 12

Henry, Norvis, Rev. Reptile

12 - IN. COFFEE SHOP - DAY

FADE IN:

Reverend Jimmy Reptile is sitting at a table with
Norvis. Reptile is naked.

NERVOUS NORVIS
I just can't help being so nervous. If
you were going through what I am
going through, you'd be a nervous
wreck, too. I mean, to just think, I
once kissed that Sheep headed girl
and wanted to marry her. I thought I
loved her, you know. But what I saw
today, I just can't understand it. That
girl I once kissed was kissing
another girl. Made me choke. To
think. I kissed her, and now she
kisses a girl.

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
Oh, let us bow our heads in prayer
and pray for the poor lost sheep that
she may find her way.

NERVOUS NORVIS
Will I go to hell because I kissed
her?

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
Perhaps if you provide us with coffee
for our Wednesday night bingo, the
Lord will cleanse your soul and
remove the stain that you might
receive grace and go to heaven.

Henry enters the coffee shop and dispenses himself a
cup, then sits with the others.

HASHISH HENRY
Hello, Reverend Jimmy. Why is
Norvis crying like that?

NERVOUS NORVIS
I saw such a thing that makes me
really nervous! You know that girl
with a sheep head?

HASHISH HENRY
Of course, she's Lammy. I was going
with her. Why?

NERVOUS NORVIS
I saw her kissing that other girl,
Kudzu.

HASHISH HENRY
Kudzu is a real weed!

NERVOUS NORVIS
Huh? What do you mean? I don't
understand what you are talking
about?

HASHISH HENRY
That was just a joke, Norvis. Never
mind. Are you sure that is what you
saw?

NERVOUS NORVIS
Of course. I was right next to them
with Murry.

HASHISH HENRY
You were with Murry?

NERVOUS NORVIS
Yes. We are dating now.

HASHISH HENRY
I would never have thought that of
you, Norvis.

NERVOUS NORVIS
What? Me dating a girl? I have to
admit that I am a little shy, but, you
know, I do date girls.

HASHISH HENRY
Yeah, but Murry?

NERVOUS NORVIS
Well, she's not the prettiest girl in
the world, I mean she does have
some masculine traits, you know,
like did you know she has an adam's
apple? I thought only guys had
adam's apples. But she has a nice
sense of humor and that relaxes me
when I get really nervous.

HASHISH HENRY
Oh, you're a nice guy, Norvis.

NERVOUS NORVIS
Thank you, I guess...
(pauses)
But I hope that doesn't mean you
like me, well, you know, in a funny
sort of way. I don't go with guys.

HASHISH HENRY
No. I didn't mean it that way at all.

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
Let us pray about this.

HASHISH HENRY
Oh, well. I think something really
strange is going on around here.

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
When doesn't strange things go on
around here?

HASHISH HENRY
It just isn't natural. Like we are
being used like chess pieces in a
game..

NERVOUS NORVIS
This is making me so nervous!

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
The Lord and the Devil are always
trying to manipulate us like it's a
game they are playing.

HASHISH HENRY
But this seems more like a person
behind these peculiar goings on.

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
What makes you think that?

HASHISH HENRY
I was at the bar, Ugly Grace's, and I
saw Lammy's sister, you know, the
girl that disappeared about a year
ago. Her name was Lula.

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
Lord, we pray that you forgive these
sinners! My man, Henry, were you
drunk when you thought you saw
that girl?

HASHISH HENRY
No. Not at all! I even talked to the
girl. I know it was her. But when I
left and got Lammy and returned,
Lula was gone and everyone denied
ever seeing her there. But they were
all lying for some reason!

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
Oh, the poor sinners!

HASHISH HENRY
So I think someone is behind all this,
and I am going to find out, but I may
need some help.

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
You can count on my prayers.

HASHISH HENRY
We may need more than just prayers
to investigate and solve this
mystery.

NERVOUS NORVIS
A mystery. Oh, that does make me
nervous! But I will help if I can.

FADE OUT:

Continue

Fired, Again!

Hashish Henry, the Sandwich Head Man, fired me from the convenient store job. He said I was probably just drunk or passed out and let that guy come and take all the money from the cash register. Besides, he said the story about Billy the Kid in red parachute pants was just too far-fetched for him to believe.

I tried crying like Lucy in the "I Love Lucy" show, but he wouldn't buy that either. Since he now owns the store, he thinks he's like Donald Trump or something and loves to say, "You're Fired!" He just kept saying it over and over again while I finished off all the Mad Dog 20/20 wine he had on stock.

Then I headed on down to skid row to Ugly Grace's Bar and Grill.

Got A Job At A Convenience Store

After losing my job in the morning, I strolled down to the convenience store where Hashish Henry worked. Come to find out, he now owns the store. And he hired me to work for him!

That was great. Except for one thing. I have to work the graveyard shift all night long. But that's okay. They sell Mad Dog 20/20 wine there and I can sip on that all night.

I'm glad that Hashish Henry, the Sandwich Head Man, still likes me. At least that is what I felt when he gave me a job after I got fired for sleeping on the other job. But I began wondering why he put me on the midnight shift.