Stop That Drinking!

Hashish Henry tried to get me to stop drinking. Good-bye, Henry.

Strawberry Wine

I really enjoyed drinking all that wine, especially the Strawberry Wine.

The Fine Wine Store

I thought I would go to town and see what new stores they opened.

Had A Great Time, I Think

I had a wonderful night out with the girls, I think. I really was feeling good after drinking my favorite cheap wine and I don't know what else.

(1) Axe Man To The Rescue!

After being in that wreck, I was pretty shook up and thought that was a pretty good reason to go have a few drinks at Ugly Grace's bar and grill where the Death Cheese Band plays. But I had pretty much wine and got pretty drunk! I walked outside and took a deep breath, and it all hit me at once. I passed out. But I was pretty lucky because Axe Man, one of the band members, came out and helped me home. But it was pretty strange because he took me to HIS home, not mine!

NEXT

Resting For Awhile

After all those adventures, I have to take a break and just relax for a while.

That Darn Dhole Again!

The next morning, I wanted a little quiet time, or quality time by myself, so I took some cheap wine and went looking around in the graveyard. Then I found my old grave where I was buried a while back. To recap, I tried to reverse the curse that Endital the witch put on me to turn my head into a sheep's head, but when I used the candles for the spell, I got burned up and died and went to hell. But I went to court and had my death repealed and came back to life.

Well, anyway, while I was looking at my grave a Dhole bobbed it's head up from behind my tombstone! A Dhole is a huge snake or worm or something that eats people. I guess. That was the same Dhole that has been after me for a long time. It really scared me and made me have to pee as I wondered who would come and save me this time.

Staying Home Lately

I have just been staying a home in my nice room that uncle Tom let me use until I get a job and get back on my feet. I have been snorting a little. Just a little. Some Mad Dog 20/20. But it's been making me fart. And I mean some really foul smellers. I let one that I thought was going to kill every animal in the room. The white dog passed out as well as the cat, Mickey Rat, and even Buzzin, the giant fly. I don't know what happened to Rodney Roach. Haven't seen him since then.

I Fell Off The Wagon

I don't remember what happened. All I know is that I woke up with a headache in back of Ugly Grace's. That Arsewipe was just too cute and too tempting for me. What a hunk! But where did he go? Did he leave me high and dry like the others?

I Finally Met Arsewipe

I was so full of coffee that I really had to pee, really bad! My eyeballs were turning yellow and I could hear sloshing sounds in my ears. So I ran out back of Ugly Grace's to relieve the pressure and who do you think I saw out there? It was that guy from the reality show, Arsewipe! He really turned me on because I thought he was cute, but I didn't want to pee in front of him because I hadn't been to bed with him yet. And he wouldn't leave or turn around. I thought I was going to piss my pants!

He told me he'd like to have me on his TV show and I told him that I had never pissed on TV before. Then Gary the Axolotl came up and wanted me to pee on him to give him a golden shower. Arsewipe got excited and said he'd like to see that. Those guys!

So finally I agreed to pee on Gary the Axolotl on Arsewipe's TV reality show. But how real is peeing on a salamander?

I've Become Addicted To Coffee

It was nice sneaking out of rehab for a while and being with my friends again, but something strange came over me. After sitting there reading and drinking coffee so much, I just didn't have the desire to drink that cheap wine. And I had a compulsion to finish that book, I guess because I had invested so much time in it. I had spent hours and hours and didn't want to quit now. I was dying to know what the second sentence said.

What seemed so funny was that I had influenced my friends and they all ordered coffee to drink. But Ugly Grace got really pissed and told us to go over to Nervous Norvis Coffee Shop and waste his time. How rude.

Looking Out

It was kind of exciting at first as I met those new friends at rehab, but then there was a lot of time I spent alone. They wanted me to read a whole lot of books and I began to get sick of drinking so much coffee. What really was hard was that every time I looked out of the window I saw Ugly Grace's bar and grill. I wanted to go back there with my old friends and have some real fun. Then I saw my girlfriend, Flowering Kudzu. She looked good after Dr. Schitz fixed her up again. She kept motioning for me to come on out. That did it! I just couldn't resist, so I climbed out of the window!

Heading For Rehab

I walked down and stopped for just a moment in front of the Netherworld Rehab Center. I was sort of nervous and debating whether to go in or not. But I was suddenly attacked by the Paparazzi taking my picture and asking me all kinds of questions. They wanted to know if I was a famous celebrity or a popular politician. Some asked me what kind of crime I had committed and was covering up. I was really feeling like someone important when someone yelled out that I was just a silly girl with a lamb's head. They all made a sigh or groan and left. I stood there all alone again and debated if I should go into the Rehab or head on down to Ugly Grace's Bar & Grill.

Woke Up Alone

I went to sleep surrounded by so many friends, but woke up alone. No one was there! It was so quiet that I could hear my heart beat. I have been lonely a lot, but it makes me feel even more lonely when I found myself alone after being with a lot of caring friends. This is the loneliest I have ever felt!

Again

What can I say?

Fired, Again!

Hashish Henry, the Sandwich Head Man, fired me from the convenient store job. He said I was probably just drunk or passed out and let that guy come and take all the money from the cash register. Besides, he said the story about Billy the Kid in red parachute pants was just too far-fetched for him to believe.

I tried crying like Lucy in the "I Love Lucy" show, but he wouldn't buy that either. Since he now owns the store, he thinks he's like Donald Trump or something and loves to say, "You're Fired!" He just kept saying it over and over again while I finished off all the Mad Dog 20/20 wine he had on stock.

Then I headed on down to skid row to Ugly Grace's Bar and Grill.