Jesus Testifies

The judge in my case quit because Nancy Grace was driving him crazy and he developed migraine headaches. He was replaced with the white dog, Icy. This was good news for me since Icy is Tom's dog, and Tom is my uncle. So things began looking pretty good for me.

Then they called none other than Jesus himself to testify in my case of appealing my conviction to hell and reversing my death. The prosecution tried to object, saying it really wasn't Jesus at all, but the hippie guy who looks like Jesus. Icy insisted on hearing the testimony before making a decision about the objection.

The Jesus guy told the court that according to Saint Peter, my death was very untimely in that it was premature. And the reason I wasn't allowed in heaven was because I was not on St. Peter's list of expected souls. That is the actual reason I was sent down to hell. It was all a mix up in the red tape.

My lawyer, Shyster Pettifogger, argued that, in fact, it was all a conspiracy plot to get me in hell and make me pregnant by the death guy.

Icy then called a recess in the trial proceedings because she had to go out in the courtyard and poop. But so far, I have a lot of optimism and hope of reversing my death.