Blood of the Lamb?

I was invited to church with Rev. Jimmy Reptile and Brittney the Devil Doll. I felt sort of funny the way they all kept looking at me and grinning. Especially Elizabeth Bathory, the blood countess and Nosferatu. Also at the service was Aubvey, the Dhole, and the janitor, Jesus Romirez. It was when they asked me to get on the alter while they all pulled out knives that I really got scared and ran from the place. They were singing something about the blood of the lamb!

Drunk, Again!

We had a great wild time at Ugly Grace's last night. But I woke up with a banging headache. And down on skid row was Smelte of Death Cheese, the Hippie That Looks Like Jesus, Icy the dog protecting me, Soggy and his Spam, and of course my girlfriends, Lyanne Sakks and the he/she Murry Magdalene. And we were being watched by Brittney the Devil Doll, Harry, and even the Devil himself.

Oh, when will I ever learn? I hope not ever because this ignorance is bliss and so much fun!

Jesus Testifies

The judge in my case quit because Nancy Grace was driving him crazy and he developed migraine headaches. He was replaced with the white dog, Icy. This was good news for me since Icy is Tom's dog, and Tom is my uncle. So things began looking pretty good for me.

Then they called none other than Jesus himself to testify in my case of appealing my conviction to hell and reversing my death. The prosecution tried to object, saying it really wasn't Jesus at all, but the hippie guy who looks like Jesus. Icy insisted on hearing the testimony before making a decision about the objection.

The Jesus guy told the court that according to Saint Peter, my death was very untimely in that it was premature. And the reason I wasn't allowed in heaven was because I was not on St. Peter's list of expected souls. That is the actual reason I was sent down to hell. It was all a mix up in the red tape.

My lawyer, Shyster Pettifogger, argued that, in fact, it was all a conspiracy plot to get me in hell and make me pregnant by the death guy.

Icy then called a recess in the trial proceedings because she had to go out in the courtyard and poop. But so far, I have a lot of optimism and hope of reversing my death.