Is Smelt The Father of Lambkin?

That silly Smelt thinks he might be Lambkin's daddy, even though he never actually had sex with me, her mother. Those Death Cheese Band guys are really dumb. But as I think of it, maybe he could be since he did have sex with my sister, Lula.

Short Romance With Smelte

The party at the Netherworld Hotel was a real rave, but Smelte and I left early so he could show me some of his other friends. He took me down to Davy Jones Locker where he and the Death Cheese had played before.

But when we got there, who do you think we ran into? That cold clammy salamander Gary the Axolotl, and he just couldn't keep his mouth shut about us spending the night together a while back. That was embarrassing for me. Why can't those guys just keep their mouths shut. They think they have to tell everything! It must make them feel virile. But in fact, Gary was a limp shrimp!

That pissed Smelte off and things began to go downhill for our new romance right away.

Then Smelte introduced me to Davy Jones. And he was a real curmudgeon. As a matter of fact, he was the roof contractor that hired and fired me. And he just kept going on what a lazy, no good, goldbricker I was. That was embarrassing to me. And it pissed Smelte off even more. And our romance went from downhill to hitting bottom real fast.

Smelt then took me back to land and dropped me off at Ugly Grace's and told me we were through, done, finished. The romance was over!

It took me a while to get my land legs back, but I lost them after I had several bottles of cheap wine.

This Is Real Love, This Time

It was the best Valentine's Day I have ever had! Smelte took me for a long beautiful scenic drive in his long beautiful limo, and well, I won't talk about what other long beautiful things he had. He invited me to be his special guest at the Death Cheese concert tonight. What a guy. It's true love this time!

And tomorrow is my birthday as well as the Cheesemeister's. I think they are planning a surprise party for her because Smelt asked me to be his date at the Netherworld Hotel for a special bash tomorrow, but he wouldn't go into details.

Smelt Saved Me

I thought for sure I was a goner! That Dhole hissed and came at me like it was going to swallow me whole. But then it backed off. I didn't realize why at first, then I noticed that Smelt of the Death Cheese was right behind me, and he scared the Dhole, for some reason. It was afraid of him and hissed for a minute, then bobbed back down into the sewage.

Smelt said he often comes down in the sewer to think and relax. He knew all the ins and outs of the place, so he said he would show me how to exit. He sure is a sweet guy. I think I am in love!

Drunk, Again!

We had a great wild time at Ugly Grace's last night. But I woke up with a banging headache. And down on skid row was Smelte of Death Cheese, the Hippie That Looks Like Jesus, Icy the dog protecting me, Soggy and his Spam, and of course my girlfriends, Lyanne Sakks and the he/she Murry Magdalene. And we were being watched by Brittney the Devil Doll, Harry, and even the Devil himself.

Oh, when will I ever learn? I hope not ever because this ignorance is bliss and so much fun!