Another Lammy?

Dr. Schitz plans to make a clone of Lammy to fool Prof. Snewgflo so that he won't destroy the world.

Turkey Day

I had my Turkey behind Ugly Grace's bar and grill with another turkey, Arsewipe. Buzzin was there checking out the dumpsters and Lyanne Sakks gave the Axolotl a golden shower. I was very thankful that no one saw us!

Screenplay - SCENE 13

Freddy Phelps, Lyanne Sakks, Dewey Banjer

13 - IN. UGLY GRACE'S BAR AND GRILL - DIMLY LIT

FADE IN:

Lammy moves very close to Kudzu, examining her
necklace.

DEWEY BANJER
She got a p-u-r-d-y mouth!

LAMMY
I'm not looking at her mouth, Dewey.
Shut it up.

DEWEY BANJER
Go 'head an' kiss her. Choke her with
that lamb tongue!

LAMMY
(turning to Dewey)
I was just looking at her necklace.
There's something strange about it.
(gulps glass of wine)
Why don't you slop with the pigs
where you belong!

DEWEY BANJER
(grins)
Want to know about what happened
to the real Lambkin?

Lammy stands silent for a while.

LAMMY
My baby? Lambkin! But I thought...
(turns away)
...No. I don't want to hear more lies!
The psychiatrist said my baby was a
delusion, not real. Just in my
imagination.

MURRY MAGDALENE
That happens, you know. I once
thought that after passing a kidney
stone I had given birth and the turd it
was in was the baby.

AXE MAN
Me Hero.

LYANNE SAKKS
(laughs)
That was a phony doctor you went
to, Lammy. Dr. Fraud! He just told
you that to get his pay. He's really a
plumber, so what does he know?

LAMMY
What? What are you guys talking
about?

PHELPS
Lammy. The truth is that you did
have a baby.

AXE MAN
(stares at Lammy)
Lammy? Have baby? Mine? Baby
mine?

LAMMY
(to Axe Man)
No idiot!

LYANNE SAKKS
Hell, anyone could be the father.
Lammy fucked every man around!

AXE MAN
Lammy. Good ass.

LAMMY
(screams)
That wasn't my baby I had!

MURRY MAGDALENE
Oh, girlfriend. I'm appalled.

FLOWERING KUDZU
We still love you, Lammy.

LYANNE SAKKS
Bitch!

PHELPS
Nappy head.

AXE MAN
Good ass.

DEWEY BANJER
Another bottle of wine? LAMMY Why
is everyone staring at me? Just take
a picture; it lasts longer! Can't I have
no privacy? Leave me alone, all you
guys! You are driving me crazy with
all this shit!

Lammy reaches over the bar and scoops up an armful
of bottles, then rushes out of the front door.

AXE MAN
Lammy. Gone. Gone. Duh.

FADE OUT:

Continue

Drunk, Again!

We had a great wild time at Ugly Grace's last night. But I woke up with a banging headache. And down on skid row was Smelte of Death Cheese, the Hippie That Looks Like Jesus, Icy the dog protecting me, Soggy and his Spam, and of course my girlfriends, Lyanne Sakks and the he/she Murry Magdalene. And we were being watched by Brittney the Devil Doll, Harry, and even the Devil himself.

Oh, when will I ever learn? I hope not ever because this ignorance is bliss and so much fun!