Is Dewey Banjer the Father of Lambkin?

Dewey Banjer said he made Lammy squeal like a pig and he thinks he is the daddy of her baby, Lambkin.

Screenplay - SCENE 13

Freddy Phelps, Lyanne Sakks, Dewey Banjer

13 - IN. UGLY GRACE'S BAR AND GRILL - DIMLY LIT

FADE IN:

Lammy moves very close to Kudzu, examining her
necklace.

DEWEY BANJER
She got a p-u-r-d-y mouth!

LAMMY
I'm not looking at her mouth, Dewey.
Shut it up.

DEWEY BANJER
Go 'head an' kiss her. Choke her with
that lamb tongue!

LAMMY
(turning to Dewey)
I was just looking at her necklace.
There's something strange about it.
(gulps glass of wine)
Why don't you slop with the pigs
where you belong!

DEWEY BANJER
(grins)
Want to know about what happened
to the real Lambkin?

Lammy stands silent for a while.

LAMMY
My baby? Lambkin! But I thought...
(turns away)
...No. I don't want to hear more lies!
The psychiatrist said my baby was a
delusion, not real. Just in my
imagination.

MURRY MAGDALENE
That happens, you know. I once
thought that after passing a kidney
stone I had given birth and the turd it
was in was the baby.

AXE MAN
Me Hero.

LYANNE SAKKS
(laughs)
That was a phony doctor you went
to, Lammy. Dr. Fraud! He just told
you that to get his pay. He's really a
plumber, so what does he know?

LAMMY
What? What are you guys talking
about?

PHELPS
Lammy. The truth is that you did
have a baby.

AXE MAN
(stares at Lammy)
Lammy? Have baby? Mine? Baby
mine?

LAMMY
(to Axe Man)
No idiot!

LYANNE SAKKS
Hell, anyone could be the father.
Lammy fucked every man around!

AXE MAN
Lammy. Good ass.

LAMMY
(screams)
That wasn't my baby I had!

MURRY MAGDALENE
Oh, girlfriend. I'm appalled.

FLOWERING KUDZU
We still love you, Lammy.

LYANNE SAKKS
Bitch!

PHELPS
Nappy head.

AXE MAN
Good ass.

DEWEY BANJER
Another bottle of wine? LAMMY Why
is everyone staring at me? Just take
a picture; it lasts longer! Can't I have
no privacy? Leave me alone, all you
guys! You are driving me crazy with
all this shit!

Lammy reaches over the bar and scoops up an armful
of bottles, then rushes out of the front door.

AXE MAN
Lammy. Gone. Gone. Duh.

FADE OUT:

Continue

The Cellar Gets Crowded

Arsewipe keeps wanting to know if both me (Maaaaater) and my Anti-Maaaaater are going to be on his show Wednesday. But I just can't make a decision!

Click on faces or shapes to hear voices

It's True Love, This Time!

Nervous Norvis took me to his home above his coffee shop after I got drunk at Ugly Grace's and lost my job at the Steak Through The Heart Restaurant. He is really sweet! I'd met him before, but I don't know why I didn't realize what a really super wonderful great guy he was. I suddenly realized what I have been missing all this time! I am really in love, this time. He is the guy for me. I just know it. I can feel it!

Sheep Thrills

LAMMY
I love ewe, Dewey! My dew-wap a-Dewey. Yes I do do do. Oh zippity Dewey baaa, what a wonderful day! Feels like everything is going my way!

DEWEY
Wow wee, Lammy gal. There's mutton-else liken to a frolic with a lil' lamb to make a man feel ram-bunctious.

LAMMY
Ya liked it! Did ya love it?

DEWEY
It sure beat masticating! Yuk, yuk, yuk. I can sure enough spin a yarn 'bout this to the boys.

LAMMY
Do you love... me?

DEWEY
Oh, Lammy, don't ya be silly. This was just sheep thrills. Mutton-else but sheep thrills!

LAMMY
Don't do this to me, Dewey! Don't fleece me like that!

DEWEY
Don't go getting lambastic and go on a ram-page. I handled ya with kid gloves.

LAMMY
This is shear humiliating. I feel so sheepish now.

DEWEY
The bleat goes on...

LAMMY
I can't believe you consider me just a sheep thrill! You pulled the wool over my eyes!

DEWEY
Now now, my lil' lambkin. Don't get woolly bully.

LAMMY
You made mince meat out of my heart. Baaaaa!

DEWEY
Well, Fleece Navidad! To use a ewe-phemism, flock ewe. I done had enough of this bleating heart crap. A quick sheep dip is common down here on the farm. Get ewe-st to it. I was just a-wanted a leg of lamb. And what's the fun of cloning without the moaning? You weren't virgin wool, ya know!

LAMMY
I just can't take anymore. This is pun-ishment!

DEWEY
Let's get the flock outta here!

I'm In Love, Again!

I met the cutest little fellow! His name is Dewey Banjer, and he's just a simple, down to earth country boy. I think this is real love this time! He has sure taught me a lot of stuff you wouldn't think he knew anything about just to meet him once.

He said he heard about my night at Ugly Grace's bar and grill, and I told him that I was ashamed of myself. But he told me not to worry about what other people say or think. He began telling me about something called Yoga, but I thought it was that icky stuff like ice cream.

Dewey took me out on the farm and explained to me how to meditate. I wasn't sure he really knew what he was talking about at first. And I felt sort of silly sitting out in the middle of a field and taking off my clothes. But the sun felt good.

He got really excited and said I was catching on really good. That made me feel proud and not so much like a silly sheep head fool that I was imagining myself to be. He really made me feel a lot better, especially when we had sex.