Hot Date

It was so good to be back to the way things were, and to have the Morbid Motel back. I spent the night there with some really hot guy.

A Kind Stranger

I felt depressed when I didn't get the acting job, and I didn't have a place to go because I caught my apartment on fire. I thought it was the end of the world until a nice guy asked me if I wanted to go to the motel. I don't know how he knew that I didn't have a place to stay, but I guess he had ESP or something. I was sitting there at the bar when he came up to me and bought me a drink, then he winked and suggested that we go to the Morbid Motel. I guess he winked because he knew I needed help, so I winked back and we checked in. I was so happy. It was so nice of him to get me a room. He said his name was Eddie and he had two last names, which seemed strange to me. Something like Van and Halen.

Making Love

I just couldn't bear the loneliness, so I pulled out my Ann Coulter blow-up love doll. Well, it was on sale, the cheapest one. I had wanted the Anna Nicole Smith doll, but they had sold out. He said that was the only Ann doll they had left. I prefer to call her Izxnipl. Izzy for short. It makes me feel all izzy inside when I make love with it, if you know what I mean.

The Lonely Lane Leads Us Astray

I kept trying to get Peter Piper to pay attention to me, but he spent all his time with our baby Lambkin. I got so lonely that it hurt! Next thing I remember is being in a bed with Gary the Axolotl and a bottle of cheap wine. What the hell! How in the world could I end up in bed with that cold clammy salamander? It gave me the creeps just to touch him!

Loneliness does strange things to us and makes us do strange things, but this, by far, is the strangest! Eeeewwwweeee!