The plants continued to crawl all lover me and with their finger like leaves, they pulled my clothes off! How embarrassing! And they just kept grabbing at me until I fell to the ground. They then were all over me, but I noticed they seemed to be particularly interested in a particular part of my body.My butt! My ass! The plants seemed to concentrate around my gluteus maximus muscles. Oh, my. Was I going to get all itchy there like the Cheesemeister did when she pissed in the woods? And would the Death Cheese Band make a song about me, too? They are due here on Shiznit for a concert in just a few days!
The creeping of the vine plants on my ass really tickled, and even made me have to shit even more! I just couldn't hold it anymore, so I let go and the shit spewed forth like a chocolate fountain. And it stunk just like lamb's shit! And it got all over my legs as I was prostrate on the ground.
The plants were wallering in the sheep shit like they really loved it! Maybe Deep Thought was right! They like it. Just like we often say that one man's trash is another man's treasure, maybe one living creature's shit is another living creature's delicacy. They wiggled in the sheep shit and even seemed to make excited like noises as well as slurping sounds. I hadn't realized that plants slurped just like humans eating soup.
But it was all disgusting to me, especially since they crawled all through the sheep shit and then crawled all over me, getting the sheep shit all over my body. Sheep shit! What was happening to me?
Was I turning more and more into a lamb or sheep as time passed? I realized that I had to do something to reverse the spell that the witch Enditall cast on me when she made my head a lamb's head, or soon I would be turning totally into a lamb! That's baaaaaaaaaaad!
5 comments:
I guess after this it will never be salad again.
You'll only eat 'safe' foods, like greasy cheeseburgers (with no lettuce, tomato, pickles or bun), steak, fish, chicken, ham, bacon, maybe even (dare we say it) mutton. But never another plant again. You will become the anti-vegan.
Then again, it isn't just plants who think that turds can be a delicacy. Ever have sausage?...
As for curse removers,
You already lost those red ruby slippers so the wizard is out.
Harry Potter was mean to you the first time, in fact when you get back to normal maybe you should give Malfoy some wool so he can get the magic out of it.
And we know the fairy Godmother... well, maybe her husband has quit partying by now. But you don't have anything to pay him with, and you know what happens if you don't pay the Godfather, he fits you with cement overshoes.
You can't go to the exorcist, because you can't pay him and you might get reposessed.
You can't go to the scientist that is still looking for his android head, especially since it looks like a fifty year old guy (no thanks, the lamb is better).
I'd suggest that you take some body cells and mix them with stem cells and clone a new head and then have it surgically re-attached, but the President has cut off the funding needed to do the research on how to make that work.
Or, I could still get hold of one of these sheepherders out here and ask if they want to adopt another one.
OF COURSE!
One word:
Rhinoplasty. Then expand the concept.
Oh, wait a second. Lambs don't have health insurance. You're uninsured. So unless you can pay a ton of cash up front, a plastic surgeon won't even look at you.
OK. That isn't it.
Im just glad yu didnt do the doo on me when I got a pease of yur ass!
Lammy, the time Enditall turned me into a goat, I was a real actual goat, not a tall, skinny man with a goat head. And I got put in the Netherworld petting zoo and was eating hay. Still, the only thing I can remember about being changed back was that it had something to do with lemons, potatoes, and a boiling cauldron. And maybe a good witch that might have took pity. Or maybe somebody who was thinking to cook me! The truth is pretty foggy. Maybe because it was foggy that night. Maybe just because goats is not the smartest animals. But you probably better do something to get away from those plants. Even if you don't get turned all the way into a sheep, eating them may make you think you have been!
All I know is that I am glad it was very early in the morning when I got turned back into myself so that nobody, especially Chief Jerry, saw me walking through the Netherworld streets naked!
Lammy! Howcome you didn't come to me instead of that fraudulent wizard?
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