Screenplay - SCENE 34

34 EXT. HELL'S PASS HOSPITAL - MORNING

FADE IN.

Henry, Murry, Norvis and Reptile stare at building.

A helicopter takes off from the roof.

MURRY MAGDALENE
Oh, those naughty guys! They're
getting away!

HASHISH HENRY
That's not our problem now. We have
to get in there and save Lammy from
that machine she is in.

MURRY MAGDALENE
Oh. Hey, girlfriend, Lammy! We're
coming!

NERVOUS NORVIS
How can we get in that place?
There's bars on the windows and the
door is metal. Ah, those kind of bars
make me so nervous.

Henry grips the doorknob and jerks on it.

RED QUEEN
(computer voice)
The doors have been secured.
Please, give the password.

Henry looks above the door and sees a camera with a
red light.

HASHISH HENRY
Who the hell are you?

RED QUEEN
I am the Red Queen. I am the
security computer.

MURRY MAGDALENE
A talking computer! Do like Captain
Kirk does, and talk riddles to it and
make the girlfriend computer crash!

HASHISH HENRY
Computer. I forgot my password.

RED QUEEN
Give me your email address and if it
matches our data files, then we will
send you your password.

HASHISH HENRY
This isn't going to work.
(looks at pine tree)
I have a better idea.

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
Yes. Pray for the Lord to come back.

HASHISH HENRY
We could bend that tree trunk back
and let someone sit at the tip, then
when we let go, it will shoot them up
onto the roof like a catapult.

MURRY MAGDALENE
Great idea. But, oh, you silly boy.
Who's going to get shot way way up
there?

HASHISH HENRY
Thanks for volunteering, Murry!

MURRY MAGDALENE
Huh?

The men grab the trunk of the fern or pine tree and
pull its trunk back until the top is near the ground.

Murry hesitantly sits on the trunk.

NERVOUS NORVIS
Oh. Aren't you nervous, my darling? I
sure am!

HASHISH HENRY
Now when you land on the roof, go in
and come down to let us in. Doors
always are unlocked from the inside.

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
I'll be praying for you.

MURRY MAGDALENE
But you little boys better not be
looking up my skirt!

They let go of the trunk and the tree flips back up,
slinging Murry into the side of the building.

Murry manages to grip the edge of the flat roof with
his fingers and dangles.

HASHISH HENRY
Well, that didn't work very well.

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
Holy shit! Get him down. That is a
disgusting view!

Norvis looks up at Murry kicking his legs.

NERVOUS NORVIS
What do you mean?

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
You can see up his dress, and he has
no panties.

NERVOUS NORVIS
That's strange. Looks sort of funny
up her dress. What is that?

HASHISH HENRY
That's called a penis.

Norvis begins to shake more than ever and falls back
on the ground and wiggles and flops like a fish out of
water.

REV. JIMMY REPTILE
Dear Lord! We need you more than
ever!

HASHISH HENRY
What else can happen?

An alert siren begins to sound.

RED QUEEN
Alert! Alert! Intruders detected.
Remove yourselves from the
property immediately.

HASHISH HENRY
And if we don't?

RED QUEEN
A gas will be released.

HASHISH HENRY
What kind of gas?

RED QUEEN
A gas that Snewgflo invented. It is a
form of laughing gas that will make
you laugh so hard that you will
eventually fall to the ground and roll,
then pass out.

HASHISH HENRY
A kind of laughing gas?

A HISSING SOUND.

Steam or gas comes from small holes on the wall of
the building.

The men all begin laughing hysterically.

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