The Start of the Screenplay for My Movie

SCENES 1 - 4


1 - IN. SOCIAL CENTER - NIGHT

Lammy and Henry are standing next to each other in
front of a Crowd doing a silly-looking dance. They are
stiff and moving very little.

LAMMY
Don't you know how to dance, Hash?

HASHISH HENRY
Well, I've never got up in front of a
Crowd to watch me make a fool of
myself.
(shutters)
I don't think I'm... you know.

LAMMY
This is sort of fun. What do you
mean?

HASHISH HENRY
Well, I think I need...

Henry holds his fingers to his lips as if smoking a
joint and blows slowly, then moves more loosely as if
stoned.

The Crowd cheers.

Lammy giggles and also holds her fingers to her
mouth and dances faster and less stiffly.

LAMMY
Hey someone clapped! HASHISH
HENRY Maybe they like our little
dance.

Henry begins to dance faster and the band speeds up
the tempo. He almost falls but Lammy catches him.

LAMMY
You act like you're actually are
stoned! HASHISH HENRY I wish I
was!

He pulls a joint from his shirt pocket and lights it.

LAMMY
Gimme a toke of that!

He passes it and they both begin to dance more
lively.

CROWD
Pass! Pass!

Lammy hands the joint to Iranian nukie. He inhales it
and passes it among the Crowd.

HASHISH HENRY
Hey! Why'd you give it away?

The Crowd cheers and screams and claps.

LAMMY
(points at crowd)
That's why! They love us!

HASHISH HENRY
I can dance! I really can dance!

Henry really begins to flail his hands and kick his
legs wildly as the music speeds up more.

LAMMY
I can't hardly keep up with you! Slow
down!

HASHISH HENRY
They love me! They love me!

The Crowd screams and begins dancing wildly. The
music speeds faster and faster and they dance in a
frenzy.

LAMMY
When is this song over?

Lammy falls and Henry also falls. The music ends
with a big crescendo.

FADE OUT:


2 - OUT. CEMETERY - NIGHT

FADE IN:

Lammy and Henry walk through a cemetery carrying
a trophy.

HASHISH HENRY
I can't believe we won the dance
contest! I never danced in front of
people before.

LAMMY
It was like sex. It was sure fun until
it was over, then I was exhausted!

Henry laughs as they stop and he sits the trophy on
the top of a tombstone.

HASHISH HENRY
(steps back admiring trophy)
I am so proud! Damn it's beautiful!

LAMMY
You're like a rooster that just fucked
all the hens in the hen house.

Henry laughs as they sit at the foot of the tombstone.

HASHISH HENRY
I was better than John Travolta!

LAMMY
(Shivers)
I'm cold.

He puts his arm around her.

HASHISH HENRY
Better?

LAMMY
Mmmmm.
(snuggles close)
Do you believe in Scientology?

HASHISH HENRY
Don't know what that is, but I do
believe in science. But

there's still a lot to learn and understand about this
world.

LAMMY
I was ashamed of this sheep head,
until I saw you with that sandwich
head.
(laughs)
It made me feel less like a freak
seeing you.

HASHISH HENRY
You think I'm a "freak"?

LAMMY
That's not what I mean, you know it!
(giggles)
How'd you get that sandwich head
anyway?

Hashish henry stares up at the full moon.

HASHISH HENRY
There's more to this world than we'll
ever imagine. Or know. I had a friend
who was a weird scientist. I mean
he studied strange stuff.

LAMMY
What was his name?

HASHISH HENRY
Professor Snewgflo.

LAMMY
Oh, I know him!
(hands on face)
He's the guy with the green face!

HASHISH HENRY
(laughing)
Yeah, that's him. Don't know how he
got a green face, but he is the cause
of my sandwich head.
(pause)
At least I blame him for it.

Lammy snuggles closer to his chest and peers up at
the full moon and sighs.

LAMMY
It seems like it's always other
people that cause most of our
problems, then it's up to us to
straighten things out.

HASHISH HENRY
Was it someone else that caused you
to have a sheep head?

LAMMY
Uh huh. A witch and a werewolf.

HASHISH HENRY
Wow, that sounds better than my
story.

LAMMY
But tell me about your sandwich
head first! I want to know!

HASHISH HENRY
Do you believe in other dimension or
parallel universes and like that?

LAMMY
Like the Twilight Zone?

HASHISH HENRY
I guess. Well, Professor Snewgflo
had a device that sent me to another
world just like this, but the laws
were different.

LAMMY
A lot of places have different laws
and traditions.

HASHISH HENRY
I mean laws of physics. Sort of. Well,
it was the Pun Dimension. Whenever
someone made a pun, then it would
really happen or come to be.

LAMMY
You mean like if someone joked
about getting high, then they'd float
up in the air?

HASHISH HENRY
Yeah! Like that. And speaking of
getting high...

He pulls out another joint and they light it and
smoke.

LAMMY
I think that's what happened to my
cousin, Dog face girl. She was there
and they kept saying her face looked
like her dogs face. And it came to
pass that her head turned into a
dog's head.

HASHISH HENRY
Exactly what happened to me. I had
a sort of square shaped face with big
eyes and features that made me look
like a sandwich. And when they
teased me, calling me sandwich
head, well, the rest is history.

There is a sound of howling in the distance and
Lammy glances up at the full moon.

LAMMY
Hold me tight! I'm scared.

HASHISH HENRY
That howling? Oh, that's just the
drummer of the Death Cheese Band.
He's a werewolf.

LAMMY
Wolfie. I know. That was the
boyfriend of the witch.

HASHISH HENRY
You dated Wolfie?

LAMMY
No. I dated another member of the
band. But I introduced Dog face girl
to Wolfie and he went crazy over her
and broke up with the witch. And she
got mad at me and put a curse on me
turning my head into a sheep head.

Henry rubs the fuzzy woolly face of Lammy, and they
slowly kiss.

HASHISH HENRY
You tickle my nose.

LAMMY
You're delicious!

FADE OUT:


3 - OUT. CEMETERY - LATER

FADE IN:

A red-haired girl walks through the cemetery, looking
here and there as if hunting something.

LULA
Lammy? Lammy? Oh, where are you
sis? I know you're here somewhere!

Lammy sits up from behind the tombstone with the
trophy. She is naked.

LAMMY
What's that? A Voice? Who's there?

Henry sits up, also undressed.

HASHISH HENRY
What's the matter, Lammy?

LAMMY
I heard someone speak. Listen.

LULA
(off screen)
Lammy. Lammy.

LAMMY
They're calling my name! Is it a
ghost or something?

Both Lammy and Henry are sweating and breathing
heavy.

HASHISH HENRY
It's just the wind in the trees. Come
on, Lammy. Let's finish.

They both disappear down behind the tombstone just
as Lula walks in front of it.

LULA
Lammy? Are you out here? I thought
I heard you groaning. Lammy?

Lula walks on past. Lammy sits up from behind the
tombstone.

LAMMY
(breathing heavy)
That sounded like my sister, Lula,
talking!

Henry sits up, breathing even heavier than before.

HASHISH HENRY
Oh, God! Come on Lammy. Don't stop
now.

LAMMY
But I heard my sister call my name!

HASHISH HENRY
I didn't know you had a sister.

LAMMY
Yes. But we don't know what
happened to her. She's been missing
for over a year!

They sit quietly and listen for a while.

HASHISH HENRY
I don't hear anything. It must be your
imagination.

LAMMY
Oh, I guess so.

They go down behind the tombstone again. In a short
while, Lula walks back in front of the tombstone.

LULA
Lammy? I could swear I heard you
out here. Lammy? Can you hear me?

Lula walks off calling her sister's name. In a while,
Lammy sits up again.

LAMMY
I could have swore I heard my sister
calling my name!

Henry sits up, gasping for air. They listen, then both
go down behind the tombstone again.

FADE OUT:


4 - INT. BOARD ROOM - DAY

FADE IN:

A spacious room with a wall of windows overlooking
skyscrapers in a huge city.

Very large table with 5 individuals sitting around it.

QUATLOO sits at the head of the table, appearing to
be about fifty, but actually 99 years old.

DR. SCHITZ sits next to him wearing surgical gown,
gloves and mask.

ENDITAL THE WITCH sits at the far end in her black
outfit and her broom on the table before her.

PROFESSOR Snewgflo with a green face sits beside
the doctor.

FLOWERING KUDZU, a skinny blond sits next to the
Professor.

PHELPS sits by the witch.

VINNIE BARBARINO, the gangster-looking guy,
stands by the door like a body guard.

QUATLOO
What a gathering this is.
(laughs)
To look at all of you, one would
wonder what the hell is going on
here. A Halloween party?

FLOWERING KUDZU
Grandpa, your birthday will be this
Halloween! You'll be a hundred!

QUATLOO
And I feel half that age, Kudzu.

PHELPS
And you look half that age, Mr.
Quatloo.

QUATLOO
I can thank my good health to the
good Dr.Schitz there.

DR. SCHITZ
(muffled voice)
Thank you, sir.

ENDITALL THE WITCH
So sweet and polite it makes me
want to puke! Now why the fuck are
we here?

FLOWERING KUDZU
Enditall! Please.

ENDITALL THE WITCH
Please your greasy ass rag weed of a
bitch!

FLOWERING KUDZU
Grandpa! Why do you put up with the
witch bitch?

QUATLOO
Now, now, Kudzu. Calm down.
Enditall the witch serves my
purpose, or she wouldn't be here.

ENDITALL THE WITCH
I do your bidding because you burned
my sisters at the stake, you old
bastard. Your days in hell are
coming.

QUATLOO
I plan to live forever. But I had better
get to the matter at hand. As you
may know, I have three goals in this
life.

ENDITALL THE WITCH
Like we give a fuck.

FLOWERING KUDZU
Let's burn this witch, grandpa.

QUATLOO
(very calm)
She will burn in due time. As I was
saying I have three goals. One is,
with the help of Dr.Schitz, is to live
forever.

ENDITALL THE WITCH
That's a pot of shit!

QUATLOO
Two is to be the richest person ever.

PHELPS
I believe you already are.

QUATLOO
(smiles gently)
Yes, but I want more. Much more!
The more money, the more power.

Dr.Schitz mumbles through the mask but cannot be
understood.

ENDITALL THE WITCH
What the fuck he say?

PHELPS
He was asking what the third goal
Mr. Quatloo has.

QUATLOO
My third goal is to create the most
perfect form of story ever.

ENDITALL THE WITCH
What the hell?

QUATLOO
I mean, a story comes from
someone's imagination and is
brought to life on the pages of a
book, or on a stage, or on a screen or
TV. But I am working on something
more.

ENDITALL THE WITCH
I think I know.

QUATLOO
I want to create the story from my
imagination and make it real. In real
life!

ENDITALL THE WITCH
I thought so. Like you wanted me to
cast the spell on that stupid girl to
make her head a sheep's head.

FLOWERING KUDZU
Or having Professor Snewgflo cause
Henry to have a sandwich for a head.

PHELPS
Oh, I get it. That's why you wanted
me to create the illusion that
Lammy's sister was walking around
the cemetery looking for her after
you had Vinnie kidnap her a year
ago.

FADE OUT:

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