Movie Screenplay - SCENES 5-8

5 - OUT. PORCH OF LAMMY'S HOUSE - MORNING

FADE IN:

Henry sits with Lammy on the steps. The trophy is on
the ground in front of them.

HASHISH HENRY
A wonderful night.

LAMMY
But it worries me.

HASHISH HENRY
What? The dancing was great, we
won. And the sex was really great...
(pause)
...wasn't it?

LAMMY
The sex was...
(grimace)
...what do they call it?

HASHISH HENRY
Making love?

LAMMY
(laughs)
Yeah, but I mean when something
keeps happening to distract you
while you're doing it. You know?

HASHISH HENRY
Oh? Coitus Interuptus, you mean?

LAMMY
I kept hearing my sister calling my
name.

HASHISH HENRY
Your sister. Is that Lula?

LAMMY
Yes. She disappeared over a year
ago. I couldn't really enjoy the sex
because I kept hearing her as she
was right there in the grave yard
with us.

HASHISH HENRY
What would she be doing in a
cemetery?

LAMMY
Maybe she's dead! Oh my God!
(starts crying)
My sister could be dead!

HASHISH HENRY
Now, don't start that crying. I hate
the smell of wet wool!

Henry tries to wipe the tears from her eyes.

LAMMY
But I heard her in the grave yard.

HASHISH HENRY
Well, how could she be dead if you
heard her Voice?

LAMMY
(cries harder)
Like her ghost or something!

HASHISH HENRY
Now wait. Uh, tell me. Was she a red
head?

Lammy stiffens up, staring Henry in the eyes.

LAMMY
Yes, like me.

HASHISH HENRY
I didn't know. You're just nappy
headed, I mean with that sheep
head, you are just white wool
headed.

LAMMY
Did you see her?
(gasps)
And you didn't tell me?

HASHISH HENRY
I did see someone with red hair for a
second.

LAMMY
Why didn't you tell me?

HASHISH HENRY
We were screwing, remember? You
know, like making love and shit! Who
wants to stop at a time like that?

LAMMY
You cad! Son of a bitch! That was my
sister, and you...
(stands up)
...didn't tell me! Fuck you!

HASHISH HENRY
Now Lammy, calm down. You
know...

LAMMY
Yeah, now I know what a bastard
you are. That was my sister! I
haven't seen or heard from her in
over a year! Why didn't you tell me!

HASHISH HENRY
(also stands)
But...

LAMMY
But your ass. You ass hole! I hate
you!

HASHISH HENRY
Oh come on Lammy.

LAMMY
I didn't come last night! I knew
something was wrong. You tricked
me.
(slaps him)
You should have told me!

She walks away from him back toward the cemetery.
He follows.

HASHISH HENRY
Wait Lammy.

LAMMY
Stay away from me! Your breath
smells like garlic and onions!
(walks faster)
Stay away from me! I never want to
see you again!

Henry stops as Lammy stomps rapidly away from
him. He just shrugs and turns and walks away in the
opposite direction.

FADE OUT:


6 - OUT. CEMETERY - DAY

FADE IN:

Lammy enters the main gate to the cemetery and
walks among the tombstones.

LAMMY
Lula! Lula! Lula? Are you in here,
sis? Can you hear me? Was that you
last night? I heard you. Henry said he
saw you. Was that you, Lula! Oh, let
it be you! Please. Lula! I miss you.
Are you here? It's been a year...

VOICE
(off screen)
Lammy! Lammy!

LAMMY
(excited expression)
Lula!!!

Lammy spins around, then her face shows
disappointment when she sees Kudzu.

FLOWERING KUDZU
No, it's me, Kudzu. What's the
matter? You don't want to see me?

LAMMY
Oh, hi Kudzu.

FLOWERING KUDZU
Don't you like me anymore? I thought
we were best friends? You know,
friends to the end and all that?

LAMMY
I'm sorry, Kudzu. I was just hoping to
find my sister, Lula. I thought you
were her.

FLOWERING KUDZU
I'm still your sis, in friendship.

LAMMY
Sure. But Lula has been missing for
more than a year, and I thought I
heard her last night.

FLOWERING KUDZU
Here? In the cemetery? What were
you doing in the cemetery.

LAMMY
Just fucking around. You know.

FLOWERING KUDZU
Oh! Of course. With Henry. I saw you
guys dancing at the social center.
You were good!

LAMMY
Yeah, we won first prize.

Kudzu looks around.

FLOWERING KUDZU
Speaking of fucking around, where is
Henry?

LAMMY
Oh. Uh. Well, he had to go to work.

FLOWERING KUDZU
But I thought this was his day off.
Hey. What's up?

LAMMY
Nothing.

FLOWERING KUDZU
Did you guys have a fight? You didn't
break up, did you?

LAMMY
Naw. I just wanted to be alone for a
while and look for Lula. See if she is
around here someplace.

FLOWERING KUDZU
Oh, what's that sheepish look?
Something is wrong, isn't there?

LAMMY
This stupid sheep look on my face is
stuck here by that bitch of a witch,
Enditall! I hate her!

FLOWERING KUDZU
Sure. Don't blame you there. But
come on, you can't lie to your best
friend now. What's up?

LAMMY
Shit. It's just hard to know who you
can trust any more.

FLOWERING KUDZU
(grimace)
But I'm your friend, ain't I?

LAMMY
Oh, I just got pissed at Henry
because he saw Lula and didn't tell
me.

FLOWERING KUDZU
Strange.
(pauses to think)
Why would he do that? Not tell you.

They continue walking among the tombstones.

LAMMY
Well, I guess I can't really blame
him. We were...
(sheepish grin)
...you know.

FLOWERING KUDZU
I can well imagine what you were
doing, knowing you. How many guys
have you screwed in this place?
(sour expression)
How can anyone fuck in a cemetery?

LAMMY
Oh, Kudzu. Get your mind out of the
sewer for a while. I was just upset
about Lula.

FLOWERING KUDZU
That is sad. Wonder what ever
happened to her.

LAMMY
Help me check this place out.

FLOWERING KUDZU
Sure.

They continue to walk and look around.

FADE OUT


7 - OUT. CEMETERY - DAY

FADE IN:

Nervous norvis, a skinny shaky guy, and Murry
magdalene, a guy who dressing like a woman, walk
holding hands.

NERVOUS NORVIS
I'm scared.
(stuttering)
This place is so spooky. Why would
you want to take a walk in here?

MURRY MAGDALENE
(laughing)
It's the middle of the day, Norvis.
There's nothing to be nervous about
here. Isn't it nice?

Norvis looks around and shakes, then gets closer to
Murry.

NERVOUS NORVIS
Hold me tight. There might be ghosts
or demons around here. Dead people
make me nervous, Murry.

MURRY MAGDALENE
(hugging him)
Look at all those beautiful flowers!
So lovely. Ohhhhh! Don't they just fill
you with feeling of love?

NERVOUS NORVIS
But they are artificial flowers! Not
real. Why do they put fake flowers
outside?

MURRY MAGDALENE
They last longer. Real ones die too
quickly. Such a shame. Brings a tear
to my eye.

NERVOUS NORVIS
I appreciate you accepting a date
with me, Murry. But I don't know if
this place is what I had in mind as a
date.

MURRY MAGDALENE
You need to get away from that
coffee shop for a while. You drink
too much of that. You cute little guy.
(kisses his cheek)
I just adore you.

NERVOUS NORVIS
You are a sweet girl.
(jumps back shaking)
Look at that!

They see a human sized Praying Mantis and Fly-like
bug having sex.

MURRY MAGDALENE
Isn't that sweet. They are making
love.

NERVOUS NORVIS
That is weird!

Murry hugs Norvis and kisses him softly.

MURRY MAGDALENE
Love is wonderful. It is never weird.
As long as they love each other,
nothing else matters.

NERVOUS NORVIS
You're a nice girl, Murry.

MURRY MAGDALENE
(grinning)
Sure, darling.

Norvis looks up at Murry and rubs his/her neck.

NERVOUS NORVIS
You are also cute. I like your cute
little adam's apple.

Murry drops his/her chin to cover it.

MURRY MAGDALENE
Why don't we find a nice private spot
to sit, like maybe behind that
tombstone.

They walk over to a tombstone and look behind it to
see Lammy and Kudzu half-naked and kissing.

NERVOUS NORVIS
(shouts in surprise)
Oh dear God!

The girls sit up and pull their clothes back on.

LAMMY
What are you guys doing here?

MURRY MAGDALENE
Apparently we had the same thing in
mind that you did, and unfortunately
the same spot.

FLOWERING KUDZU
Norvis! I didn't know you were that
way!

NERVOUS NORVIS
Oh, I always shake like this when I
get nervous. And this is making me
really nervous!

MURRY MAGDALENE
Now now, Norvis. Just calm down.
Nothing to get nervous about,
sweetheart.

NERVOUS NORVIS
But I didn't know Lammy did stuff
like that with other girls. I went out
with her one time. Oh gosh. I'm
having a nervous breakdown! I need
a transfusion of coffee!

Norvis falls to the ground and shakes and wiggles
like a snake.

LAMMY
But they always say if you're not
with the one you love, then love the
one you're with.

FLOWERING KUDZU
We'd better get him back to his
coffee shop!

MURRY MAGDALENE
Yes. Give me a hand getting him up,
girlfriends.

FADE OUT


8 - IN. UGLY GRACE'S BAR AND GRILL - DIMLY LIT

FADE IN:

Henry the sandwich head man sits drinking at the
bar. Lula walks over and sits down beside him.

LULA
You'd better go easy with that, looks
like your bread is getting soggy.

HASHISH HENRY
Huh? You... you're the girl I saw in
the cemetery last night. Lammy's
sister, Lula!

LULA
Yes. Are you going to buy me a
drink?

HASHISH HENRY
Of course. I mean, yes. I'll buy you
two, or a whole six pack if you stay
right there until I get back!

He tosses some bills on the bar and motions for the
bar tender, then stands and starts toward the front
door.

LULA
Why sure. You look good enough to
eat, sweets. Where are you going?

HASHISH HENRY
I have to go pee.

LULA
Outside?

HASHISH HENRY
Oh, well, the toilet is out of order in
there, so I'm going to run down to
my house. Wait right there! I'll be
back! Don't go anywhere!

Henry rushes out of the front door. Then Mr.Phelps
comes over and sits by Lula.

PHELPS
Good job, Lyanne.

The girl then reaches below her chin and begins to
pull off a rubber mask and red wig, revealing that she
is actually Lyanne sakks.

LYANNE SAKKS
Nothing to it. I am a master at
deceiving people. I work for the
Crappy Times, you know.

Phelps hands Lyanne a stack of money and they
laugh.

PHELPS
Mr.Quatloo thanks you for you
services. You did a fine job last
night, too. We may need you again.

Phelps gets up and leaves as Lyanne counts her
money.

FADE OUT

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