I clicked the heals of my red slippers together and said three times, "There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home." I began to feel light headed (no jokes about my white lamb's head, please) Things began to swirl around and around until I found that I was standing in the middle of a herd of sheep! How disgusting! They really did stink! Now, I not only have the head of a lamb, but I stink like sheep. And each time I took a step, I stepped in sheep shit! It got all over my pretty red slippers and even splashed up onto my legs and dress. It was a real mess! So I not only had a lamb's head and smelled like sheep, but had sheep shit all over me!In the distance, in the sky, I could hear laughter. It was that silly wizard flying off in a hot air balloon and laughing at me. It ain't funny. There's mutton, I mean nothing funny about having a lamb's head and smelling like sheep and sheep shit! It just ain't funny! So none of those silly lamb jokes, please. This is really serious stuff here!
And what is even more tragic about it all is that when I tried to walk back to the farm house I fell, and of course I landed right in several piles of sheep shit. Sheep shit everywhere! Sheep shit all over me! It just ain't funny, I tell you! And I think there was a goat in with that herd of sheep because something ate one of my red slippers, and then it butted me every time I tried to get up, making me fall back down in that sheep shit! It was just horrible, I tell you! It's not funny at all! I even got a mouth full of sheep shit when I screamed after being butted back down into the sheep shit. Now my breath smells like sheep shit!
That stupid goat, or whatever it was, wouldn't let me get up at all. My butt is all black and blue now, but I'm not going to show a picture of that. This is all too embarrassing. And it ain't funny! I had to crawl, then roll down the hill to the farm house. Of course I rolled over and over in all that sheep shit. But I finally made it to the front door of the farm house.
5 comments:
Hello mine dear Lamby! Maybe you ist among mine flock in Dreckskerl. I am Diehatja Titten Wiemelonen, niece uff Wolfie und mama uff Holle die shameless tramp und Siestdie Heilege-Rolle, eine lovely, good und clean girl! If you see ein beautiful little home in the hill which looks something like ein Hobbity house, come und knock on der door und ve vill have eine little bar uff soap vaiting for you so you can become clean!
Oh, und sorry about meine goat Pfeife. He ist meine guard animal und meine sheep herder's helper ever since meine Doberman Schleimer und meine sheep dog Puff vas bought from me by Dr. Wasmachst Duda Für-Scheiße who ist trying to create eine dog vhich ist both eine guard dog und sheep herder in one. He also thinks it vould be nice if their coat vas shearable like der wool. I think he ist a bit meshugah! Anyway, you ist wilcommen in our home! Und just between you und me, I never liked das Enditall much anyvay!
Now see, I offered to talk to one of our local sheepherders out here. The sheep here are nice, there aren't any goats there, and the Navajos treat their sheep pretty well. They also sell the sheep shit to pottery makers because it burns clean and hot, which is useful if you are firing a pot.
But no, you didn't take the offer. So now your are stuck with some mean sheep, and a goat, and people who think shit is just something worthless to be left on the ground. And what good is one ruby red slipper anyway? You can't even click that. About all it's good for that now that I can think of is if you meet that goat again you can let fly and crunch him right between the eyes with your heel, then make your escape barefoot.
And watch out for that farmhouse before you open the door! Make sure that they've ALREADY eaten!!
The good news is, at least your parents didn't name you Hammy. There are things worse than a sheeps head.
Soggy LOVE hammy!!!
"I really don't believe people really learn about the outside world by sticking their head up their own ass" - truer words have never been spoken.
anyways, Lammy, you are a real Scarlett O'Hara. you're going to get to that door, if it means to roll on shit, then you'll roll in shit but going to get to that door. what wrong can come from Auntie Holle? she's a sweet old lady with the best intentions.
I think all these people giving you advice are just pulling the wool over your eyes, Lammy.
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