As I was walking down the yellow dirt lane toward town, I passed a strange looking lady. She said she used to be the Fairy Godmother when she was young, but had married the Godfather and now is a soccer mom, so she doesn't do much magic stuff like she did back in the day with Cinderella. So she has all but forgotten how to undo spells. She recommended that I go to the Blochalela Foundation of the Pansi Files and check it out.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Fairy Soccer Godmother
As I was walking down the yellow dirt lane toward town, I passed a strange looking lady. She said she used to be the Fairy Godmother when she was young, but had married the Godfather and now is a soccer mom, so she doesn't do much magic stuff like she did back in the day with Cinderella. So she has all but forgotten how to undo spells. She recommended that I go to the Blochalela Foundation of the Pansi Files and check it out.
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17 comments:
Perhaps Lammy has wool in her ears. Many people have told her to go to the Blochalela foundation but so far she hasn't listened very well!
We "borrowed" Enditall's crystal ball and looked into it to see that the word verification was "fvyge" This has a very Scandinavian sound to it. We are wondering if it has something to do with Spooky and we are avoiding him just in case because we think that Venkman guy may come back and try to trap him out of jealousy.
Fvyge simply means that I am stuck living--I mean NOT living--in a house full of stupid Norwegians...and Germans...and a bunch of other twits!
But just in case I'm going to remain behind this washing machine for a while.
Of course it could also be the word that could cure Lammy's sheepishness. It might be worth a shot. Then again it could turn her all the way into a sheep. So maybe not!
FVYGE PvtrphS gpavy SRE1_HUMAN : 783- 789: svlst PweslyS lagnp ...
564: vlvsl Vl-L fvyge SRE1_HUMAN : 712- 715: gdavs VatL aeiyv SRE1_HUMAN.
Enough with the wool in the ears and sheep jokes already! I'm going to go to that stupid Blochalela Place if I can find the damn thing! No one will tell me where it's at. Why would they build such a liberal institution in a very red state? Besides, those people just stare at me like I'm strange or a mutton head or something. I'll check out Google Earth and see if I can find a satellite photo of the place.
Well, it sounds like you should have gone right to her husband for help. He's blessed with many friends, if you know what I mean...
Yooz tell da Fairy Godfadduh you problem, and he ah, gets a few of his boyz over dere, aah? You know, de wiseguys wit' da fancy heaters, aah? An' da wide brim hats, and da double breasted suits, and da two tone shoes, and did I mention da fancy heaters? He senda dem down to dat Enditall doll, and dey make-a her a deal she canna refuse, aah? Like, either she turns you back, or she be sleepin' tonight wit' de fishes, aah? Like-a dey be checkin' her shoe size so dey can, you know, fit her for da cement overshoes, aah?
Oh wait a minute-- your luck is always bad. Italy is in the World Cup final, so it's certain that both Mrs. soccer mom Godmother and Mr. Godfather are going to be absolutely glued to the TV set watching the Azzuris. Maybe if France wins, they might be available by next week, but if Italy wins, they'll be dancing tarantellas for at least the next two weeks, and getting drunk on that good church wine, the stuff the Godfather gets from the parish priest...
PRIEST!! That's it! Maybe what you need is an appointment with the exorcist!
Inge! Are you communicating from Shiznit or someplace like that? Speak decent English in a Scandinavian accent on this website or do not speak!
Hey, Lammy, maybe you ought to talk to this chick. She sounds like she knows some secret alien information.
Spooky, shame on you for trying to oppress Lammy's visitor's right to free speech! Of course I have sometimes thought that this right should be reserved for people with IQ's bigger than their shoe size, but that's another story entirely!
Hey LAMB-y! How's life with a sheep's head? Done any woolgathering lately? Come on by my gingerbread house for a nice mint marinade in my cauldron...I mean soothing mint soak in my hot tub sometime.
Has anybody seen my crystal ball, by the way??
Lammy: The Blochalela Foundation is on Stuffed Animal Planet. Be a baa lamb and take Blochalela's advice; call 555-LAMB. I agree with Soccer Face: ewe'll get a KICK out of your time there.
If you do go to a priest, Lammy, may I suggest that you visit JUDAS Priest rather than the Rev. Jimmy Reptile. While they may not be able to do anything to fix your head, they'll play good music for you and at least they won't FLEECE you!
I'm sorry...I couldn't help myself! Please forgive me!
Exorcists? Priests? Gangsters? Sleeping with fishes? Soccer moms? The French? The Italians? Oh, I think I'll just go to the G8 summit and get it over with.
And I hope a house falls on you, Enditall! And where the heck is Animal Planet, near Shiznit? I called that number and Igne answered. He's harder to understand than Wolfie on a good day. I believe in free speech, but do you call that speech? And enough with the Lamb jokes! It ain't funny!
I believe J. M. Barrie gives explicit directions to Neverland in PETER AND WENDY that will take you to within a hop skip and a jump of Stuffed Animal Planet. And I promise Blochalela's staff can RAM a new head on your shoulders pronto!
The walls of my gingerbread house fell in on me once. I just ate my way out of there. It was very tasty but I gained 66 pounds. That was ok though becase Wolfie helped me work it off. That was back in the days before Lammy introduced him to that Dog Face wench! Well now she's out of the picture but Wolfie didn't even notice my sexy new kinky leather outfit because he's been turned gay and keeps chasing that Milli Vanilli guy all over the Netherworld trying to convince him to submit to "alien experiments." This is just making me sick! I'd curse the Alien Guy but he isn't even here any more. Damn!
Mamma mia! I am rooting for the Italians because I love-a the pasta! And the vino! Multo Benne!
Oh, wait...
I'm rooting for the French because I love crepes and brie, and the lovely wine! Bon appetit!
Oh wait...
Aw hell, I can't figure it out! Go team! Whoever wins, I don't care. I'm going to eat now.
You see, Lammy understands what I mean! This Inge has a very Scandinavian name, but I am starting to suspect that they may not be Scandinavian at all. Or human. Whatever they are speaking sounds like no Swedish, Norwegian or Danish I ever heard. Nor even Icelandic and though I suspect that Bjork is an alien, she talks like humans. I don't even think Inge is speaking Finnish, and they stick vowels together all the time. Like Teemu Selanne, a Finnish hockey player. Or Vuohasenraiskajaa or wherever those stupid Lutefiskies are from. Or the word baaaaa, for instance. You see what I mean.
Thats Vuohenraiskaaja yu snooty Sweed!
He is allway's comin up beehind us and given us wedjies! But we cant never katch him coz he allways goes thru the neerest wall. Its not fare!
Hey Lamy, if yu want to sleep with fishes, Skaale an Smelte is stil avaleable! Skaale mostly liks to play videeo gams, but Smelte is recovarin frum a broken hart an so maybey you can ketch him on the ree bound!
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